


Calico Skies

by snow_queen16



Series: I WANNA TAKE YOU TO A GAY BAR GAY BAR GAY BAR [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Finland is an oblivious airhead, M/M, Roommates, Sweden is actually kind of a mess, gay bar shenanigans, notmoe!Finland, superawkward!Sweden, there will be a bunch of characters I just don't feel like listing them all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-23 03:09:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 31,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4860761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snow_queen16/pseuds/snow_queen16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>UPDATE: Changed the title from 'Maybe, This Time', and merged the prologue and first chapter.</p><p>"So you need a roommate, Timo?" Yes, Timo Väinämöinen does need a roommate, but Berwald Oxenstierna isn't exactly his first choice. Their families are close and they could be considered childhood friends after a fashion, but Timo had never been especially comfortable with the not-so-secret crush Berwald had -has?- on him when they were younger. But they're both adults now and really, there isn't a reason to say no- not that Matthias and Luka are going to let either of them get out of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully you'll like my strange little story! I felt weird adding Finland to the Norway/Iceland family duo, but I thought it would be fun making all the Nordics related in some way. Also, I wanted some balance between all the gay couples I have in mind (I really would like to do a series but we'll see how this story goes first) and I came across a bunch of fem!NorwayxDenmark fanart and they are super cute together so I thought I'd give it a shot. And:
> 
> Luka- fem!Norway (I was so tempted to use Nora hahah)  
> Matthias- Denmark  
> Emil- Iceland

  _Prologue_

 

                _“Eduard, I have a problem,” I said, sitting heavily across from the bespectacled man. He started, nearly knocking over his small cup of espresso. “Sorry,” I forced a smile, drumming my fingers across the tabletop._

_“It’s all right, Timo.” Eduard said, chuckling as he adjusted his glasses. He and I had roomed together in college and had remained close friends in the years since, though we hadn’t seen as much of each other of either of us would have liked. Eduard and I were the kind of friends who could go months or even years without seeing each other and still remain close, however. “What’s wrong?”_

_“You remember Berwald, right?” I said reluctantly, nervously wrapping my fingers around the paper cup containing my latte, enjoying the warmth that spread into them. Eduard snorted._

_“He’s not the kind of person you forget. The first time we met he called you his wife!” I blushed hotly at the memory. Berwald and I had known each other almost our entire lives; our parents were close friends, and his older brother and my older sister had a long standing on-again-off-again relationship. After nearly twenty five years we were practically related, really. And for almost as long, Berwald had claimed to be in love with me to varying degrees of intensity._

_“Funny you should say that, because it’s kind of related?” I said, and quickly took a sip of my latte. I regretted it as soon as the scalding liquid hit the tender skin of my tongue. Eduard’s face grew serious._

_“He didn’t try to force you into anything, did he? Timo, I told you to set firmer boundaries-“_

_“He didn’t force me at all!” I said quickly, my face redder than before. “Ber’s not that kind of guy. He’s too gentle.”_

_“Then what’s the problem?” Eduard said, quirking an eyebrow at the nickname._

_“Well, actually . . . I-_ I _kissed him.”_

_“What?! I thought you said you weren’t-“ Eduard paused, lowering his voice. “You aren’t gay. Right?”_

_“I’m not!” I said hurriedly, taking a quick sip of my latte before continuing. “I just don’t think I’m completely straight either.”_

_“Since when? You never told me,” he said, the faintest hint of accusation in his voice. I understood his hurt. After a year of gentle ribbing about our shared hopeless void of a love life, Eduard had told me that he was asexual. I apologized profusely about my countless tasteless jokes but Eduard brushed me off; he’d told me because he wanted to, not because he was offended._

_“I never acknowledged that part of myself I guess. I liked girls –_ like _girls, thank you- and I thought it was normal to find girly looking guys cute. Sometimes.” Eduard gave me a skeptical look, and I felt my cheeks burn. “I really didn’t think about it, Ed. I wasn’t keeping it from you.”_

_“I believe you. You’re definitely airheaded enough not to realize you’re bi until you were in your late twenties.” he said, amused._

_“Mid-twenties.” I corrected mildly. Twenty six was still mid-twenties I told myself firmly._

_“Whatever you say. But I thought you said you avoided Berwald as much as you could. How’d you end up kissing him?” I sighed heavily, pushing my silvery blonde hair out of my eyes._

_“It’s kind of a long story. I should start with how he ended up moving in with me.” Eduard groaned, pushing his glasses up as he rubbed the bridge of his nose._

_“Timo! I told you if you were having problems with the rent after Petra left to call me!” I laughed, shrugging sheepishly._

_“It’s all right, Ed. You know I’m never going to ask my friends for money or anything like that.” I said. Eduard chuckled, shaking his head._

_“Start from the beginning then. How on earth did you agree to let Berwald move in with you?”  
_

 

 

* * *

 

     

 

           “Oi, Mama! Are you home? I need a fav- oh!” I froze midsentence as I blundered into my parents’ kitchen. I blushed fiercely as I realized it was not in fact my mother bent over the sink, but Berwald. “I’m sorry! I thought you were Mama,” I finished lamely. Berwald grunted, giving me a glare as he dropped the sponge in the empty sink. I glanced over to the dishrack; it was full. I couldn’t help smiling. While myself, my older sister Luka, and our baby brother Emil had a tendency to take our hardworking mother for granted, Berwald adored her and did everything he could to help her. His own mother had passed away when we were ten, and afterwards my parents (Mama especially) had all but adopted the Oxenstierna family. Since then, Berwald treated my mother better than I did. At times. I would be lying if I said it never bothered me, but at that moment, I was touched. It had been ages since I had seen him last, and doing the dishes for my mother was such a Berwald thing to do.

                “Yer mom went to cover another shift at th’ hospital.” Berwald said, leaning awkwardly against the counter.

                “Damn it! I needed to ask her a favor,” I said, sighing as I slid into a stool on the other side of the center island.

                “Yer dad’s here. Ask him?” I wrinkled my nose.

                “Er, I guess I should. He’s going to get mad if I ask him, though. Mama is more sympathetic,” Berwald grunted in agreement, the faintest hint of a smile playing at the corner of his lips.

                “Y’ can ask me if ya want,” he said quietly. I hesitated, chewing my lip as I surveyed him. As always, he wore a perpetual glare that I knew was because he had refused to wear his glasses when he was a kid, but still intimidated me at times regardless. His fiercely blue-green eyes were focused sharply on me, unsettling me somewhat but I ignored it. Berwald was a supremely nice guy, it wasn’t his fault he looked so angry all the time.

                “If you don’t mind listening to me bitch, sure!” I beamed at him, suddenly determined to put all the unpleasantness between us in the past. We were both adults; surely he was over that silly crush by now and I was tired of always trying to avoid him. It was harder than ever since Luka and Matthias, Berwald’s older brother, were dating again- it looked like it was serious this time too. “Well, my girlfriend – _ex_ -girlfriend- dumped me like two months ago. Honestly, I’m not surprised; we’d been drifting apart and then all of a sudden she was working all the time . . . But whatever. I’m fine.” I blushed under Berwald’s skeptical glare. “I am, okay? Mostly fine anyway.” I conceded. “But we were living together, though she’d moved into the spare room when we broke up. I came home after staying here for a weekend last month, and she was just gone! The bedroom was empty, and all her shitty knickknacks and stuff was gone too! She even took the microwave,” I said sullenly. I had to admit, I missed the microwave more than Petra most of the time. “The rent was due literally the next day and, surprise surprise, she ditched me without paying her half. I had to empty my pitiful little savings account to pay it all! I’ve been trying to find a roommate, but no luck. And the rent is due again Friday,” I said, sighing.

                “Her name’s not on th’ lease?” Berwald said with a frown. Blushing lightly, I shook my head.

                “When we moved in, she said she had a bunch of high credit card debits so her credit sucked and it would be easier if we only put my name on the lease.” I said.

                “Yer too trustin’.”

                “I know, I know!” I groaned, resting my face in my hands. “Now I’m stuck with another month’s rent I can _not_ pay and- ugh! I guess it’s good Mama’s at work. I hate asking her for money.” I said with a sigh.

                “So you need a roommate, Timo?” Matthias said, giving me a grin as he stomped into the kitchen. It was easy to tell they were related; both were tall and blonde with strong Scandinavian features, though while Berwald was always cold and stoic, Matthias was friendly and loud and frankly overly personal at times.

                “Yeah, that or a loan.” I said with a forced smile. Matthias’s grin widened.

                “That perfect! Ber’s been crashing at our place since he got canned, and he gets so embarrassed when Luka and I have sex, don’t you?” Laughing, he ran around the counter, pulling Berwald into a headlock and roughly noogieing him. “I make her scream pretty loud though, so I get it.” I cringed at his proud tone of voice. Poor Berwald! I couldn’t imagine sharing an apartment with Luka and Matthias, much less being forced to listen to them- I closed my eyes, shaking my head as I forced the nausea away.

                “Mattie, ‘m not- Timo doesn’t want t’ live with me.” Berwald said, more heatedly than I expected, his neck slightly flushed.

                “Timo, don’t be such a dick.” Luka said, giving me an imperious look as she breezed into the kitchen. “I know you’re desperate for a roommate, and Berwald is desperate in general. It’s perfect.”

                “Hey hey hey! I never said I was desperate!” I insisted. I hadn’t- at least not to her.

                “Aren’t you? I know you too well, little brother.” Luka raised an eyebrow. “Don’t be so picky. Berwald is quiet, Berwald is clean, and Berwald has money. You _do_ need money, don’t you?” I blushed. I did need money, there was no denying that, or the fact that I needed a roommate in the worst way.

                “It’s perfect!” Matthias said happily, and clapped Berwald on the back. “I can help you get your stuff over there tomorrow, Ber.”

                “Matthias, I-“ I stopped, sighing. “Okay, fine. I’m okay with it if Berwald is.” Hesitating, I met his eyes, or tried to. His gaze was firmly settled on the ground, a look of utmost displeasure plastered across his features, his blush finally spreading up from his neck to his cheeks. “You don’t have to, Berwald. Dad’s here and I can ask him for a loan-“

                “No.” Luka said, crossing her arms over her chest.

                “No?” I repeated, taken aback at her insistence. “It’s not like Berwald sleeping on your couch is stopping the two of you from having sex or anything.” She shot me a look, rolling her eyes. I had hoped to embarrass her a little, but she and Matthias seemed to share the same lack of shame.

                “That’s not the problem. Berwald is a good roommate, and since he’s been working nights there hasn’t been much a problem with that.” Luka paused, her expression softening as she looked to Berwald. “I just think that it might be good for you to have your own space again. I know you’re not happy.” I frowned, watching the minute way Berwald’s shoulders moved. Was he depressed after losing his job? I wondered why; had he been laid off? I was under the impression the architecture firm he worked for had been doing well, though.

                “We’re both kind of in a bind, huh?” I said, doing my best to smile as he reluctantly met my eyes. “I guess it might be kind of weird but it’ll be okay. I promise I won’t bug you much, and I definitely won’t have gross loud sex with your brother.” Berwald gave me a tiny smile as he adjusted his glasses.

                “All right. If it really won’t bother ya,”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the name change, I totally picked something at random and ended up not liking the name much. I was listening to some Paul McCartney when 'Calico Skies' came on, and it's such a sweet song I think it fits the two of them perfectly. Give it a listen if you like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysCzW7Nn8Zc

 

               “Berwald, what was that about?” Matthias began, but Luka cut him off.

                “He’s not speaking to us.” she said. She was right, I hadn’t spoken to either of them since we had started the half hour drive back to their apartment. My brother rarely noticed when I gave him the cold shoulder, but thankfully Luka was more perceptive.

                “Aw, what? Why not?”

                “Most likely because we forced him into rooming with my brother.” She was right, but I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of agreeing.

                “What? Why would he be mad? I thought you liked Timo!” he said, turning awkwardly in the front seat to look at me. I ignored him, determinedly staring out the window.

                “I imagine that’s why. They’re not exactly friends, Matthias.”

                “You’re the one who forced it!” Matthias said, pouting as he turned to his girlfriend. Luka sighed, shaking her head.

                “I know I did. I’m sorry, Berwald. You know how small our apartment is, and I’m a private person even if your brother is too much of a moron to care and . . . I did mean it when I said it would be good for you to have your own space. Three months is too long to spend sleeping on a couch.” I ignored her apology. She was right, I knew she was, but I wasn’t exactly sure if moving in with Timo would be the best solution for either of us.

 

                Admittedly, I _was_ a little excited. I had been in love with Timo since the first moment I laid eyes on him. Unfortunately, his feelings for me seemed to waver between ‘abject terror’, ‘embarrassed fury’, and ‘reluctant acceptance’. Really, I couldn’t blame him. My face was intimidating, and coupled with my reluctance to speak it was easy to see why someone would think I was scary. Understandable or not, it still hurt my feelings. I was a passionate man, even if it was hard for some people to see.

 

                On occasion, but especially when I was younger, I would let myself get overwhelmed with emotion. Timo, with his beautiful platinum blonde hair, his lean muscles, his enticing smile and gorgeously strange purple eyes . . . As a teenager, it had been hard to understand that feelings as intense as mine weren’t always mutual. I’d practically worshiped the ground Timo Väinämöinen walked on, and the man wasn’t even gay. Things had gotten easier since college, when the two of us had started avoiding each other. Out of sight, out of mind, right? If ( _when_ , I corrected myself) we moved in together, would my stupid, unattainable crush rear its ugly head again?

 

                “ Are you pissed off because you’re still in love with Timo or something?” Matthias said, frowning as he turned to look in the backseat. I only glared at him, feeling the embarrassment creep up my neck. “Once Timo gets to know you better, I’m sure he’ll-“

                “He’ll what?” I snapped. “He’s not gay. Gettin’ t’know me won’t change it.”

                “My brother isn’t exactly straight.” Luka said, her neatly manicured nails drumming along the steering wheel as we paused at a red light. I rolled my eyes, turning to glare out the window.

                “Don’t need to lie. If yer that desperate to get rid of me, I’ll move in wi’ him. He didn’ say no.”

                “I’m not lying! I might not be a hundred percent sure either,” Luka conceded. “It’s just my impression of him- I know him better than you do, you know. My gaydar is unerring, too.” she added smugly. I snorted, ferociously stomping the tiny sliver of hope she tried to give me.

 

*

 

                “I left a little housewarming present for you two in the fridge,” Matthias said, grinning at Timo and I (sitting on opposite ends of the couch) as he headed to the door. “See ya!” He waved cheerfully, giving me a wink before disappearing. It had been a rough day. I was in pretty decent shape, but an entire afternoon of hauling furniture and boxes –boxes filled mostly with books- up ten flights of stairs wasn’t fun. My arms and back were burning; my whole body felt like it had been hit by a truck. Finally being alone with Timo made me far more anxious than I had thought, too. I didn’t want to make him feel awkward at all, didn’t want him to regret offering to let me live with him.

                “What do you think he left us?” Timo’s voice cut through my thoughts. He stood, wincing as his back cracked. I paused, deliberately looking away from him.

                “Probably beer.” Matthias was a beer nut. He was obsessed with microbrewries and tried every craft beer he could get his hands on. I wasn’t as picky as he was, but I couldn’t deny my brother had excellent taste, and I knew whatever he’d left us was delicious.

                “That sounds perfect right about now.” Timo said, laughing happily. “You want one?” I grunted, nodding.

 

                Timo made his way into the kitchen, returning quickly with two bottles. He held one out to me, drawing it back slightly as I went to take it.

                “I’ll only give it to you if you promise not to go around telling people I’m your wife.” he said, a nervous half-joking smile on his lips. Cringing, I covered my face, unable to meet his eyes. That was not one of my prouder moments. Locked in the hormonal throes of teenage infatuation, I’d taken to referring to Timo as my wife. I couldn’t remember when it had started, but I did remember I didn’t seem to care who I said it around; be it our family, kids in our shared classes in high school . . . Timo’s college friends. After I’d (jokingly!) told his roommate Eduard to get his hands off my wife at dinner one night, Timo had been furious. He’d taken me into the kitchen, screaming at me until the notion that it was horrifyingly embarrassing for him, a straight if slightly effeminate man, to be called someone’s wife was beaten into my thick skull. Before that night, I’d never considered his feelings. I wasn’t sure what was worse; the fact that the man I was in love with practically hated me, or that I had been too self-absorbed to give his feelings more than a cursory thought.

                “Sorry ‘bout that. Ya have no idea,” I muttered, speaking more to my palms than Timo. “’S embarrassin’ t’ think of.”

                “Definitely embarrassing.” Timo agreed, handing me the bottle before collapsing on the couch beside me. I focused intently on opening the bottle and taking a long sip, still too embarrassed to look at him. “Dammit, how’d you get yours open?! I didn’t realize they weren’t twist off caps!” Timo grunted in an impossibly cute way as he struggled with the bottle. Wordlessly, I set mine on the coffee table, gently taking his and effortlessly popping off the top, ignoring the way my heart flip-flopped.

                “Here,”

                “Okay, that was pretty cool. It might be nice having an extra manly guy around the place.” He sipped his beer, his cheeks a light pink. “Not that I’m, like, _not_ a manly guy or anything. “ He pointed at me with the neck of his bottle. “You’re just extra manly. Which, no offense, if kind of hilarious since you’re gay.”

                “Hear that a lot,” I said, chuckling in spite of myself.

                “Oh! Sorry, it just struck me-“

                “’S okay. ‘S true.” I said, trying to sound as nonchalant as I could, though my voice sounded as flat and emotionless as ever.

 

                We sat in silence, drinking our beer, when Timo began to pick at the label. Something was bothering him, and I mentally went over every word I said to him today. Was it something I said? Did he feel awkward sitting beside me, knowing I used to have feelings for him? I watched him pick at the sticker, the torn bits of paper collecting in a pile on the edge of the coffee table. I kept my mouth shut, unwilling to say anything that would make him more uncomfortable.

                “So, um, this is totally rude, so you don’t need to answer, but how’d you lose your job? ‘Cause Matthias said you got fired . . .” Timo trailed off, then blushed, quickly taking a sip of his beer. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, it was really so rude of me to ask-“

                “Nah, doesn’t matter.” I said.

                “So what happened?” I glanced at him, pausing as I reflectively sipped my beer.

                “Long story.” Timo gave me a look, and I carefully hid a smile. “Business was bad for a bit, company had to cut back. I was th’ newest hire, so I got th’ sack.”

                “No way, that’s awful! Mama was always bragging about you too, especially when your design got picked for the new bank on 25th!” I shrugged, though I was pleased he’d remembered. Having my design chosen was undoubtedly the highlight of my year. “Well, I’m sure you’ll find another job soon.”

                “Hope so. Been hard so far,” I said, though admittedly it came out more like a grunt. Partially, it was my own fault I couldn’t seem to find another job as an architect. My social ineptness was crippling in an interview, and despite designing the one bank, my resume was less than stellar.

                “Oh. You, uh, have some savings then?” Timo asked, nervous.

                “Not much left.” I said. “But I found somethin’ to pay th’ bills, so don’t worry ‘bout rent.”

                “That’s good!” Timo stopped, his cheeks red, and let out a small embarrassed laugh. “Where are you working?” I glanced at him, finishing off my beer. It was embarrassing and I didn’t particularly want to answer, but I couldn’t ignore the cute, puppy dog look in his eyes.

                “Bar. ‘M a bouncer,” I muttered. I had been searching for a job for what felt like ages, when I had run into my ex’s brother. We’d only met once or twice, but he remembered me, and had been enthusiastic about offering me a job. Apparently he and two of his friends owned a gay bar (of _course_ it was a gay bar), and they always needed people to man the doors “especially scary guys like you Berwald!” I didn’t like being called scary, but a paycheck was a paycheck. At the moment, I didn’t have the luxury of being choosy.

                “You’ll find something soon, Ber. I know it!” Timo said, gracing me with the sunniest smile I’d ever seen him give in my presence. It was all I could do not to cry out ‘ _Be m’ wife!’_ but I made damned sure not to. There was no sense ruining whatever friendship we might have ten minutes after I’d finished moving in.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mona- Monaco
> 
> Shellie- Seychelles

                “Karaoke night is at a _gay_ bar?!” I said. Mona and Shellie exchanged giggles, while Liz leant on Roderich’s shoulder. Once a month or so, a group of us from work would meet at a bar (or someone’s apartment to pregame, like we had tonight) for a night of drinking and carousing, with the girls squeezing a few rounds of terrible pop songs in between. Toris’s boyfriend, Feliks, ran karaoke at different bars throughout the city, and we usually followed him.

                “Yeah, Feliks actually does it at more gay bars than anything else.” she said. “You don’t mind, do you?”

                “I wasn’t aware you were such a homophobe, Timo.” Roderich said, smirking at me as he raised an eyebrow. I huffed, rolling my eyes as I stuffed my hands in my coat pockets. I liked Liz’s boyfriend most of the time, I really did. He was elegant and refined, and a genius pianist. However, there were times the man’s superior attitude grated on my nerves. Like tonight.

                “I am _not_! And I don’t care if it’s a gay bar! I just . . . I thought we were going to a real bar,” I said, trying not to pout as I followed them inside, and joined the line waiting for admission.

                “A gay bar is a real bar, Timo.” Liz said, stifling a laugh.

                “I meant a bar where I could feasibly get hit on by a cute girl,” I muttered. I wasn’t particularly eager to get suckered into another relationship so quickly after I’d been dumped, but I had been looking for a night of drunken flirtation that lead to a boost in confidence.

                “Still broken up over your ex?” Mona said, shooting me an all-too-knowing smile before glancing back to Shellie and giggling. I glared at her, annoyed. Mona had a reputation as a gossip, but I was a little surprised she’d heard about my break up- I tried to keep my personal life out of the office. It must have been Liz; she’s always liked to talk as long as I’ve known her. We’d been friends since college, sharing most of the same electives. I’d had a bit of a crush when we first met, but that ended with a few awkward dates and one kiss that lead to the dick-shrinking comment ‘You’re gay, aren’t you?’ We’d become the best of friends afterwards, somehow, and she’d even helped me get a job at the design firm she worked at after I graduated.

                “Hey, we can still get you drunk!” Liz said, grinning at me. “I’ll buy the first round!”

                “Acceptable,” I said, digging in my pocket to retrieve my wallet as the line moved forward. I needed a good night of drinking. Work had been crazy busy lately, and I needed to unwind. It would have been nice to find a nice girl to unwind with, but free booze was a good consolation.

                “Timo?!” The thin plastic of my ID slid through my fingers at the voice, my wallet dropping to the ground along with it. Cards and bills scattered everywhere, slipping underfoot unheeded as I found the source. Berwald stood just ahead of us in the doorway, clad in black jeans and a black t shirt that had ‘BOUNCER’ written across the chest.

                “Oh my god! Timo, do you know why that guy is glaring at you? He’s so scary!” Shellie whispered, pressing my ID into my hand. Frowning, I shook my head.

                “He’s not really glaring, he just kind of looks like that.” I gave him a small smile. “That’s Berwald, my roommate. Hey, you guys go ahead, I need to pick this up,” I took my time as I scrounged up all the contents of my wallet, carefully putting everything back as the rest of the group was carded and went inside.

                “Didn’t expect t’ see ya here,” Berwald said, his face as stoic as ever when I finally approached him. I gave him the best smile I could, holding out my license.

                “I could say the same thing! I actually forgot you were working at a bar.” Berwald grunted, barely glancing at my ID. “So, uh, do you like it here? It seems like a nice place,”

                “Good money,” Berwald shrugged. I laughed, clumsily shoving my hands in my pockets. We stood there, staring at each other, the air between us growing more awkward. I knew I should go in and join my friends, leave Berwald to work in peace, but I couldn’t quite make myself, nor could I give myself a satisfactory reason why I was so reluctant to leave him alone.

                “Ber, you hold up the line, _da_?” A ringed hand appeared on his shoulder out of the darkened hallway. I followed the heavily tattooed arm up, my eyes falling on a face scarier than Berwald’s. The man seemed pleasant enough at first glance, but there was something not quite right about his smile, something off in his eyes. In spite of myself, I shivered. It drew his eyes to me. “Oh, what a cute little boy! You will become one with me tonight.”

                “Fuck off, Ivan.” Berwald growled at him, shrugging out of his touch and giving him such an intense glare I took a step back. Ivan ignored it, giving me a wide grin. I blanched, the meaning of ‘become one’ finally sinking in.

                “Don’t be selfish, Ber. Introduce me to your little friend!”

                “Now who’s holdin’ up th’ line?” Berwald said, and I was a bit surprised at the restrained fury in his voice, though I was decidedly glad to have him there between us.

                “Sorry! I totally didn’t mean to bug you at work. We’ll catch up later, okay?” With a final glare at Ivan (who still, amazingly enough, seemed immune to his scary face), Berwald turned to me and grunted.

                “Have fun,” he said, so softly I almost didn’t hear it. I grinned at him, giving him a wink as I cautiously made my way past Ivan.

                “Come do a shot with us later!”

 

                “Liz, I can’t sing! Any of the songs they have, I don’t know.” I said peevishly, sipping what was left of my third Long Island. I was tipsy, teetering on the edge of happily buzzed and drunk, but decidedly not drunk enough to think about singing. Liz rolled her eyes, kicking me under the table.

                “Timo, I’m never going to believe that you don’t know _any_ of the songs.” Liz said. She was bordering on drunk too, we all were. Mona and Shellie were up singing ‘It’s Raining Men’ fantastically off-key, while Liz sat on Roderich’s lap, and Toris watched Feliks with a dopey, love-struck expression while he lingered with the DJ.

                “I only listen to metal.” I said with a sniff.

                “Feliks has Metallica in the song list-“ I cut Toris off with a wave, just tipsy enough to be a dick.

                “I don’t listen to _Metallica_. Black metal is far superior, though I’ve been listening to this Finnish folk metal band lately that’s-“

                “Oh god, you set him off!” Liz groaned, though she started to laugh as she sunk into Roderich’s shoulder.

                “What’s that supposed to mean?” I said, bristling.

                “Nothing, nothing! I was totally not implying that you were just as big a music snob as Roddy,” Liz said, laughing as she and Toris exchanged looks. I rolled my eyes, fruitlessly trying to take a sip from my empty glass.

                “Wow, thanks you two! Like, that was totally fantastic! Let’s give Mona and Shellie a hand, guys!” Feliks’s voice boomed through the club as he took one of the mics from the girls. “So, like, our next singer is Berwald, with ‘Poker Face’!” He laughed, motioning to the door. My eyebrows shot to my forehead; surely he didn’t mean my Berwald. I stopped, blushing at the thought. Like Berwald Oxenstierna was mine. I leant back, glancing over my shoulder towards the doorway. The creepy Russian had been stationed inside earlier, while Berwald checked IDs in the front, but they’d seemed to have switched places. Berwald leant against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest and a forbidding expression on his face as Feliks began to motion anxiously at him. “Come on, Ber-Ber! Don’t make me sing it!” Feliks chirped, his gestures growing more frantic.

                “I wonder who signed Berwald up to sing? I kind of feel bad that Feliks is going to end up doing it,” I said with a laugh.

                “Hm? But Berwald usually does one, even if he’s working.” Toris said, frowning.

                “What? Berwald _sings_? Like in front of people?” I couldn’t believe it, and glanced back to where he was standing to reassure myself he hadn’t moved. His face and neck were scarlet, and he had a fierce glare fixated on Feliks. He hesitated so long I was sure he wasn’t going to move, but he did, running up to the stage and taking the mic just in time to sing the first words. “I can’t believe it,” I murmured, completely focused on the stage. Mona and Shellie made their way back to the table, breathless, giggling, but all I could hear was the low, clear baritone of Berwald’s voice. Though I remembered Berwald liked pop music, it was still surprising to me how well he knew the words. How regularly did he sing Lady Gaga karaoke? Did he practice?

                I absently stirred the ice cubes in my drink, annoyed by the twinge of regret I felt for not knowing Berwald as well as I used to. Watching him sing and enjoy it (!) drove home the fact that we were practically strangers now. It was odd to think of Berwald that way, he’d been such a constant in my life growing up. I knew what food he liked, what cartoons he couldn’t stand, how he loved old buildings and carving things with his dad. I knew what he was like as a child, but not who he was now, I mused as I continued to watch him sing. When had he gotten so handso- so muscular? All through high school, he’d been tall and lanky, his arms and legs too long and uncoordinated. Now, on stage, backed by a flashing pink spotlight and a glittering disco ball, it was easy to see the perfect way his black shirt and jeans clung to his body. It was . . . Nice. More than nice, I thought, the warmth of the three Long Island ice teas catching up to me.

                “Oh, gosh! He’s so hot when he’s not glaring,” Shellie waved her face, giggling moronically as she drooled.

                “You said he was gay, Timo? That’s so sad!” Mona said with an exaggerated sigh. I rolled my eyes, deciding not to examine exactly why I was so jealous all of a sudden.

                “Looks like you’ve got some competition.” Liz whispered, grinning as she elbowed me.

                “Competition for what?” I said, scowling. Liz only smiled, taking a sip of her Cosmo before turning back to the stage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Berwald's love of pop music comes from a cracked article I read a little while ago, which said that Sweden has become the largest exporter of pop music, and that a lot of the US's pop music has been written by Swedes since the 90s. I also really like the image of stoic, scary Berwald working out with earbuds in, and one falls/is pulled out and you just hear ridiculous bubblegum pop pouring out. 
> 
> And also; no offense to Metallica fans. I totally picture Timo as a metal snob who gets drunk and espouses the virtues of Burzum and the various subgenres of metal until everyone else wants to punch him. This may or may not be inspired by my ex. 
> 
> One last thing; Liz made Roderich sing 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart' with her. He hated every second of the music but he's so stupidly in love with her he can't complain hahah


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter highly deviates from the written first draft, but somehow I finished it early anyway! I'm hoping to finish all the longhand first draft this week, because it's my last week as the overnight cashier, meaning this the last week I'll have time to dick around and write all night at work. I will do my best to get updates out in a timely manner however! I really want to finish this story and all the other connected stories I have in mind.

                After the song finished, I all but ran towards the door, determined to make Ivan switch with me again. I was self-conscious after singing in front of Timo, and unwilling to run even the slightest chance of facing him. I’d risked glancing in his direction while I’d been on stage, but the lights were so bright I’d barely been able to recognize him, much less discern whether he was laughing at me or not.

                “Jeez, Berwald! Slow down a little,” Timo said, shouting to be heard over the noise of the music and the crowd. “You always walked too fast.” Reluctantly, I stopped when I felt his hand brush my shoulder, lingering there. I turned, motioning him to follow as I resumed my post by the door.

                “Ya always walked too slow.” He snorted, trying to hide a smile as he shook his head. I tried to ignore the way his smile made my stomach flip, and failed miserably.

                “I didn’t know you sang. You have a really nice voice,” he said. I felt my neck warm, and did my best to remain casual.

                “Don’t like t’ do it in front of people I know. ‘S easier when it’s a crowd ‘f strangers ya can’t see.” I couldn’t respond to the compliment on my voice.

                “That makes sense. Liz always wants me to sing something but I can’t do it! Not that Feliks has my kind of music either.”

                “Can you do that wi’ yer voice? Th’ metal growl thing?” Timo had such a wonderfully sweet voice I couldn’t picture it. He laughed, and despite the darkness I swore I saw a faint blush across his cheeks.

                “I can! I’m just not going to do it now. I’m not that drunk yet,” he said. “Hey, you are going to come do shots with us, right?” It was a tempting thought, but I knew I should avoid a drunk Timo. He was overly affectionate when he drank too much, and incredibly indiscriminate with who. The last time we had been drinking together, when we were seventeen, he’d ended up using my chest as a pillow the entire night. In the morning, however . . . As much as my lower half wouldn’t mind a repeat of that night (which had been completely innocent, despite what Timo thought), I couldn’t bear that kind of horrified reaction again.

                “Can’t drink on th’ job. Another time,” I said finally.

                “Aww, come on! No one’s going to know!” Timo whined, giving me his best puppy-dog eyes. I began to waver, swallowing heavily to try and settle the feeling.

                “Not at work. ‘M sorry-”

                “I don’t think the boss would mind if you sneak off for one drink.” Surprised, I turned to find Francis Bonnefoy standing behind me. He and his two friends, Antonio Fernandez Carriedo and Gilbert Beilschmidt, owned Bad Touch. They were all good men, though I liked Francis the best. The blonde man gave me a wink, urging me towards Timo with a gentle push. “I’ll keep an eye on things here for a little bit, _mon ami_.”

                “See, he gets it!” Before I could protest, Timo beamed at him and grabbed my arm. Wordlessly, I let him drag me along to the bar, ignoring Francis’s laughter behind me. “What do you want to shoot?”

                “Er, I dunno.” It had been years since I’d done shots, and I couldn’t think of anything. Not that I could think of much of anything with the warm press of Timo’s hand wrapped around my wrist. “Don’t care, but not tequila.” I never liked the taste, tempered by the sting of the lime and salt or not. It was too cloying, too strong, and was an unpleasant reminder of all the partying and careless hookups I’d done my last few years in school.

                “Yeah, tequila is shit. I’ll let the bartender pick I guess; I think that’s what Liz has been doing.” Timo said, pulling me closer to the bar, waving to grab Antonio’s attention. “Hey! Over here when you get a chance,”

                “For you, _cariño_ , I always have time!” I frowned as I watched the Spaniard grin languidly at Timo. “Oho, Berwald, I didn’t see you there! Drinking on the job, hmm?”

                “Francis made me,” I said stiffly. Antonio laughed.

                “Figures he would, he always likes to help make a match.” he said, glancing pointedly at Timo, who still held my arm. With an embarrassed laugh, he dropped it, quickly shaking his head.

                “No way! Berwald and I are just old friends, that’s it! Anyway, can I have seven –wait, do you think I should get Feliks one? Would he have time to drink it? Fuck it, give me eight shots of something fruity and yummy. If he doesn’t want it, I’ll have two.” he finished, giving me a satisfied grin. I shook my head and hid a smile, for once not hurt by his insistence that we were only friends. If I was honest with myself, friendship was more than enough- it wasn’t like I was sixteen and so deeply entrenched in my own infatuation that Timo’s friendship felt like a cheap consolation prize.

                “Eight fruity, yummy shots, _sí_ _!_ ” Antonio grinned at the two of us, giving me a knowing wink before turning to grab some bottles.

                “I don’t really know you anymore, do I?”

                “Huh?” I said, frowning at the melancholy tone in Timo’s voice. He shrugged, giving me a weak smile.

                “I was surprised when you actually went up to sing. I was so sure when Feliks called your name you’d just stand in the doorway and glare until he gave up.”

                “Knowin’ ya were here, I almost did. Felt too bad ‘bout makin’ him sing, though.”

                “Too ashamed to sing for me, huh?” He punched me lightly on the shoulder. I blushed. For him?

                “Never sang in front of any one I knew before.” It had been harder knowing his was watching, but I wasn’t going to admit that.

                “Why not? I mean, I get that you’re super shy sometimes and I probably wouldn’t want to sing in front of you either, but you have a really nice voice! I had no idea you could sing like that. It was kind of hot, actually.” We both stopped after that, and Timo let out a long, squeaky laugh as he looked sharply away. “Hooo, I guess I’m drunker than I thought I was! That was supposed to be a secret,”

                “I won’t tell anyone,” I said, my heart thudding pitifully in my chest. Hot. Timo thought my voice was hot. I should undoubtedly dismiss drunken comments like that, but . . . damn, it was much harder to actually do. We stood in awkward silence as we watched Antonio pour several different liquors and juice in a mixer. He set out eight plastic shot glasses, shaking it quickly before he carefully began to pour.

                “Thanks! Put them on my tab, all right?” Timo said, smiling brightly at him.  
                “You got it! That long funny V name, _sí_?”

                “Nah, put ‘em on Francis’s tab. ‘S the one who insisted,” I said, giving Timo a small smile as I helped him collect the shots. Antonio laughed, shaking his head.

                “You’re bold when you want to be, Berwald. Have fun you two!”

                “Hey bastard! Stop goofing off and help me!” the other bartender barked, but Antonio’s cheerful smile never left his face as he hurried over to help Lovino with the crowd.

                “Did he just grab the other guy’s ass?” Timo said, leaning in to whisper in my ear with a giggle. The murmur of his breath in my ear made me shiver, nearly spilling the liquor all over my hands.

                “Antonio?” I glanced behind the bar, taking half a step away from Timo. “Yeah, he’s got it bad fer th’ other bartender. Lovino likes t’ pretend he’s not interested, but I always see ‘em makin’ out in the back room after closin’.” Timo laughed heartily at that, knocking my shoulder before starting towards the table. I followed him without a word, somewhat unnerved. If it was anyone else but Timo, I would’ve thought he was flirting with me. Laughing, touching, how hot he thought my voice was . . . But it was Timo, the most insistently straight guy I’d ever met. It had to be the alcohol- didn’t it? I shook my head. There was no sense giving myself false hope.

 

                I made sure to keep my eyes firmly at shoulder level as we pushed our way through the crowd to the table, careful not to spill the liquor all over my hands. Hanging back, I watched as Timo laughed and chatted with his friends, eagerly passing the shots around the table.

                “Ber has the rest- hey come here!” Timo motioned me to come closer; his fingers brushing mine as he took the shots. I blushed fiercely, unable to meet his eyes. A trill of girlish laughter sounded behind him, and my eyes fell to the floor. Giggly flirtatious women always made me nervous. “You hold on to that one,”

                “Right,” I said, looking doubtfully down at the shot in my hand.

                “We’ll do it together and then you can get back to work. I know you’re probably busy,” Timo said, giving me a small, shy smile. My heart thumped wickedly in my chest as he clinked our glasses together, and I could barely think straight enough to toss the liquor back. It was a sweet, fruity burn, and had I been in the proper frame of mind, I would have enjoyed it. As it was, I was too preoccupied with work, and embarrassingly enough, Timo. I was weak, I thought with derision. I thought I had been doing well; avoiding Timo, not getting too close- though that had more to do with our conflicting schedules than my design. Some careless gestures, innocent comments that could be misconstrued as flirtation and I was already back, suckered into that endless black hole of an unrequited love.

                “Thanks,” I muttered weakly as he took the empty plastic cup, stacking it with his and tossing it at the table. He grinned at me, nudging my shoulder.

                “Thank you! We should hang out more, don’t you think? I mean, what happened in high school- well that was high school. We’re both adults, we can totally be friends without it being weird! I think it would be nice to be friends with you. I mean, like, grabbing beers together, or watching movies together or- whatever, you know? You’re a really cool guy, Ber.” I felt consumed by dizziness, lightheaded and weak in the knees. I tried to tell myself it was the alcohol, that doing shots on an empty stomach only lead to a quicker high, but deep down I knew. Out of sight, out of mind, but the moment Timo showed his sunny smile to me, I was just as ensnared as I always had been.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates!! The new job is kicking my ass and I've been super lazy.

                I stared dopily into Berwald’s blue-green eyes, a silly grin plastered to my face as I rubbed the cotton of his t shirt between my fingers. I was drunk, I had to be. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be so tempted to stretch up on my tiptoes and-

                “Erzi!” I turned, surprised at the sudden, desperate voice behind me. A strange man with light silvery hair stood in front of Liz, staring at her with a dazed expression. Before she could say anything, he grabbed her shoulders, pulling her out of Roderich’s lap and into an ardent kiss. She didn’t try to stop him, her hands hanging limply at her sides. I blushed, feeling as if I shouldn’t be watching.

                “What the hell is going on?” I said, leaning back to glance at Berwald. He frowned, his hand brushing my shoulder as he stepped towards them.

                “No idea.”

                “Gilbert!” Roderich jumped to his feet, yanking Liz back, his hands lingering protectively on her shoulders. “Would you care to explain to me what you’re doing to my girlfriend?” I’d never seen him so incensed. He was shaking, his normally composed and elegant face contorted into an enraged grimace.

                “Roddy? You and Erzi . . . ?” Gilbert straightened, looking pained, and tore his eyes away from Liz to stare questioningly at Roderich. “When did that happen?”

                “We’ve been dating nearly a year now.” Roderich snapped. Liz stared dumbly at Gilbert, her fingers brushing her lips. “Liz, how do you know my cousin?!”

                “Gilbert, what are you doing here?” Liz’s voice was so soft I could barely hear it over the thumping bass of the music. She stared longingly at him, oblivious to anyone else- including Roderich.

                “It’s my club. Lutz told me Roddy was dating someone, but I had no idea it was you,”

                “Liz!” Roderich grabbed her shoulder and turned her roughly to face him. “Tell me what’s going on, right this second!”

                “Roderich, I-“

                “We- we used to date. That’s all.” Gilbert said, smiling thinly at the two of them. “I’m sorry I kissed her.”

                “You dated my cousin and never told me?” Roderich said, scowling and gesturing emphatically at Gilbert. Liz crossed her arms, huffing as she rolled her eyes.

                “How was supposed to know he was your cousin? You only mentioned that you had family in the city once or twice, and you never said anything more than you weren’t close!”

                “I have no idea. But don’t you agree it’s a tad suspicious that you would bring me to his club ‘unknowingly’-“

                “You know perfectly well we only came here because Feliks was working tonight!”

                “You let him kiss you!”

                “He just grabbed me! Roderich, do you really think that I would do that to you?” Liz said, emotion thickening her voice.

                “I don’t know, Liz. I do know, however, that I never thought that I would see you stare so longingly at-“

                “There a problem?” Berwald said, reaching out to grab Roderich’s shoulder as he took a step closer to Liz. Grunting, he shook him off, indignantly snapping the lapels of his jacket.

                “Certainly not. I apologize for the disturbance, the alcohol must have gone to my head. Liz, I’m leaving for tonight. If you wish to continue our discussion in a more rational manner, call me in the morning.” he said with a dignified sigh, and abruptly pushed past Berwald, heading for the door. Berwald nodded at Gilbert, giving him a grunt, and patted me awkwardly on the shoulder as he passed. Liz frowned as she watched them go, her frown deepening as Gilbert tentatively brushed his fingers along her arm.

                “Erzi, trust me, I am so sorry. It was totally unawesome of me to just kiss you like that. It was dark and all I could see was you. If I had known-“

                “Gilbert, it’s fine.” Liz gave him a strained smile, patting him gently on the chest. I met Mona and Shellie’s questioning glance with raised eyebrows, silently shaking my head. Once or twice Liz had mentioned an ex she didn’t speak to but she’d never gone in depth on the subject and I’d never asked.

                “Hey, let’s get out of here, huh? I know you’re here with your friends and all, but it would be awesome if we got a chance to talk things out.”

                “Roderich won’t like it,” Liz said, completely ignoring the rest of us. Gilbert laughed, tossing his arm around her shoulders.

                “Roddy doesn’t like anything! It’s just talking, I promise. You know I’d never force myself on you,” Liz laughed, shaking her head, but leant into his shoulder.

                “Like you never forcibly kissed me, huh?”

                “Yeah, well, you know . . .” The rest of his reply was cut off as the two of them wandered out of sight.

 

                Hours later, I was completely drunk. It was closing in on four a.m., and the club was nearly empty. I had taken a seat at the bar, watching as Antonio and his angry underling cleaned up. I’d wanted to leave about an hour ago, when I realized Mona and Shellie had ditched me and Toris, but he’d insisted I wait until Berwald got off and could take me home. He’d even gone and tattled to Berwald too- not that there was any real way that I could sneak out without him seeing me anyway.

                “Ughhh,” I groaned, peevishly shoving the glass of water (which Antonio had forced on me) aside, cradling my head in my arms as I leant on the bar.

                “Ya okay?” Berwald’s voice startled me, as did the warm press of his hand on my shoulder. I sat up, blinking wearily at him, and for once wasn’t alarmed by his concerned glare. I giggled, more at myself that at him, and leant back into his shoulder.

                “Too drunk to care that all my friends left me to get laid!” I said cheerfully. “Liz took off with her ex, Mona and Shellie disappeared with some blonde guy an hour ago, and Toris left me here when Feliks finished up! But yeah, I think I’m okay. I am sad that no _straight_ girls hit on me. A lesbian tried to pick me up, which was nice because she was hot; but it wasn’t nice because she thought I was a girl- but now you’re here and we can do another shot before we leave!” Berwald only grunted, giving me another concerned look before shaking his head.

                “Don’t think ‘s a good idea if ya drink anymore.” he said finally. I pouted, spinning around to jab him in the chest.

                “If you don’t do a lemon drop with me, we’re not friends anymore!”

                “ . . . a lemon drop?” he said as he took the seat beside me. I nodded, leaning my head on his shoulder as I grabbed his arm and cuddled it like a teddy bear. Even sober, I’m a cuddly person. Sober, of course, I never would be caught dead cuddling with Berwald, or any man for that matter. Men _were_ nice to cuddle on occasion though; all planes and muscles and stubble- but I was far too insecure for that most of the time.

                “Timo, ya really shouldn’ be drinkin’ any more.” Berwald said, resigned, but reached up to ruffle my hair.

                “One shot and we’ll go home.” I promised, already knowing I’d won.

                “If ya can sit up an’ drink it,” he said, the faintest traces of amusement in his voice. Within a second I straightened, quickly waving to Antonio.

                “Two lemon drops!”

                “Ahh, finally came to collect your friend, hmm?” Antonio said, chuckling as he nodded to Berwald.

                “If yer closin’ up ya don’t have t’ make us anythin’.” Antonio waved him off with a teasing wink.

                “Don’t worry Berwald, I still got liquor ready! Now, it is technically past closing and I am not legally allowed to sell you anything-“ He paused, laughing at the abrupt way my face fell with his words, but retrieved a bottle of limoncello from the shelf behind him. “So these are on me! Just for tonight though, since I’m just as big a romantic as Francis deep in my heart-“

                “Will you fucking hurry up, you lazy bastard?” the other bartender, Lovino barked at him. “I have better things –like sleeping!- I could be doing instead of watching you flirt with Berwald and his fucking _boyfriend_.” Boyfriend? Why did people keep thinking we were together? I mean, I was only cuddling him a little bit. In a platonic, totally straight way.

                “ _Tomatito mio_ , why would you think I’m flirting? You know you’re the only little tomato for me!” Antonio said with a large grin.

                “The fuck are you saying in front of people, you bastard?!” Lovino blushed furiously, and whipped the rag he’d been holding straight at Antonio’s face before storming off.

                “Ahh, Lovino, wait for me!” He hurriedly shook our shots, pouring them carelessly before running after him. I laughed as I watched him run off, smiling happily at Berwald as he handed me the shot.

                “To friends!” I said, clinking my shot against his- perhaps a little too wildly as it spilled all over my fingers. With an annoyed grunt, I tossed it back, dropping the plastic cup on the bar before licking my fingers clean. I looked up, blushing when I realized Berwald was looking at me- rather, staring at my hand. A blush rose up his neck as he met my eyes and he quickly looked away.

                “Let’s g’ home.”

 

               

                “I’m drunk!” announcing, giggling uproariously, and stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to lean on Berwald’s shoulder.

                “’M aware of that. Come on,” he muttered gruffly, and I felt a slight tremor run through him. He grabbed my arm harder than I would have expected, and began to tug me towards our building. I spent the entire subway ride home cuddled against his shoulder, what was he getting angry about now? I did feel a little guilty for teasing him, but doing bad things was always too much temptation for me when I’d been drinking.

                “Ber, that _hurts_ ,” I whined. He ignored my protests, pulling me inside and dragging me through the lobby before pushing me into the elevator ahead of him. “You know, if anyone gets rough it’s usually me! I’m not used to getting bruises,” I pouted, rubbing my wrist. I smirked, watching as he fumbled with the keys in his pocket. He inhaled sharply, his neck stained a faint red. I could practically see the dirty images flitting in front of his eyes. “You’re thinking naughty things, aren’t you?” I practically purred into his ear and I definitely felt the shudder that ran through his body when I placed my head on his shoulder. Seemingly by itself, one of my hands pushed inside his jacket, trailing along his deliciously muscled chest. We both stood there, mesmerized by the contact, when the harsh ring of the elevator broke the spell.

                “Timo, what are ya doin’?!” Berwald said, his voice cracking as he pushed me away.

                “Sorry. You know I get cuddly when I drink.”

                “’S a little more than cuddly,” he muttered, storming out of the elevator and walking towards our apartment.

                “You know,” I said, almost skipping behind him. “You have a really nice ass. Did you know that? I can’t believe I never noticed before. It’s like, wow! Okay, so maybe that’s a lie. I totally did notice before. I notice a lot. Like a _lot_ a lot.” I laughed as I watched him drop the keys. I was so very tempted to reach out and grab it, but the look on his face was starting to look legitimately scary instead of normal Berwald scary, so I kept my hands to myself. I followed him inside, stumbling in the dark. “Berwaaaald,” I whined, closing my eyes and blindly feeling in front of me, secretly hoping that my hands would flail against Berwald’s ass.

                “What?” he snapped, and I knew I was pushing my luck. I continued anyway, too drunk to care.

                “It’s too dark! Help me find my bedroom, I forgot where it went!” Berwald muttered something sharply under his breath, but grabbed my wrist again, and tugged me roughly through the apartment. “Hmm, I think I might like this! It’s kind of nice being roughed up for once!” He stopped.

                “Timo, stop it. ‘S not nice.”

                “What’s not nice?” Berwald glared at me, all but throwing my arm away from him.

                “Ya know I like ya- liked ya. What are ya playin’ wi’ m’ for?” he said, his voice angry, quiet, as he balled his hands into fists and stared at the floor. Guilt hiccupped in my stomach. Maybe I had gone too far this time.

                “I didn’t mean to lead you on or anything.”

                “Course ya didn’t. Yer straight; yer never goin’ t’ feel th’ same way I do. ‘S all right, I understand yer not attracted t’ me-”

                “Straight guys can totally be attracted to men sometimes, okay?! Like, cute girly looking guys mostly but sometimes hot manly guys like you too!” I insisted, pouting as I wobbled. Maybe that last shot wasn’t such a great idea after all I told myself, trying not to wince as my stomach roiled. I never got sick when I drank, and the fact I was blabbing secret, personal things instead of my normal nonsense was sign enough I’d had too much.

                “What?” Berwald said, cautious, faint surprise creeping across his features, clearly visible even in the dark hallway. “Timo, that’s not how it- what are ya tryin’ t’ say? That- that ya . . .” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

                “Ber, you look so cute like that,” I murmured, brushing my fingers along his cheek, and gently turned his face. I paused, smiling as I met his eyes. “You’re so shy,” Drunk and hazy, my mind decided it would be a good idea to slowly pull his face closer to mine, while I shakily rose to my tip toes. Berwald’s breath was warm on my lips, and suddenly, he was so close I could hear the rapid beat of his heart. My eyes fluttered shut as I closed the distance between us. His lips were soft, and still cool from the walk to the apartment, though they warmed easily when I began to kiss him in earnest. Drunk kisses were not supposed to be this good, I thought vaguely, curling my fingers in his short, golden hair, and pulling him more deeply into the kiss. He met every sloppy thrust of my tongue deftly, and I could feel the moan caught in the back of his throat, the sudden pressure of his hand on my chest warm and hesitant. This was so much better, so much more exciting than I ever imagined it would be. And drunk as I was, I had to admit that fantasizing about kissing Berwald wasn’t exactly new to me.

                And then suddenly, it was over. Berwald broke the kiss, pushing me away. He yanked open the door to my bedroom, then pushed me inside, slamming the door without a word.

                “Fuck.” I fell limply to the bed, grabbing a pillow and holding it over my face. I was an idiot.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Better late than never, right? Right?
> 
> Edits: Added a line of dialogue to make things flow better and corrected a couple things I didn't catch before I posted it.

                I spent the night restlessly trading one side of my bed for the other, unable to stop myself from thinking of it. He kissed me. Timo had kissed me and- and it felt like he’d meant it. Like it wasn’t some drunken mistake. He told me I was cute, that he found men attractive sometimes, that he found me attractive-! It felt like an alcohol induced hallucination, only I hadn’t had more than the two shots – and those were hours apart. Again, I pinched myself, wincing as I felt the flesh of my forearm begin to bruise. I needed to stop; if I wasn’t dreaming the first time, I wasn’t dreaming now.

                I assured myself for the umpteenth time that Timo had in fact kissed me, and continued to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. So; drunk out of his mind, Timo kissed me. Did it mean anything to him? Was he bisexual or curious or whatever the hell _‘straight guys can be attracted to men sometimes!_ ’ was supposed to mean? Or was that an ill-timed joke on his part?

                Groaning, and highly annoyed with myself, I flopped to my stomach. If I ever fell asleep, it would only be a few hours until I could reasonably expect Timo to get up. Most likely, he wouldn’t want to sit down and answer my questions as soon as he woke up, but . . . Damn it, he owed me an explanation. I knew he wasn’t the kind of man to kiss me without it meaning something, he wasn’t that much of an asshole. At least, I didn’t think he was. He’d always known how I’d felt about him, there was no way he would do something like that unless he meant it . . . right? I shook my head; no way that he was that careless, even if he was drunk. Clutching that small hope, I finally drifted off to sleep.

 

 

                When I awoke, Timo had already disappeared from the apartment. I felt somewhat unsettled. What did it mean that he left? Did he had plans this morning, or was he avoiding me? I had no idea what to feel. Part of me –a very small part- felt lighter than air, thinking maybe, finally, Timo realized he felt the same way as I did, that we were destined for each other. The more rational half of my brain insisted that thinking that way was simply fantasy, that it was only going to hurt worse when he told me it was a drunken mistake or a joke.

                For the majority of the afternoon, I sat on the couch; a forgotten cup of coffee cooling on the table and ostensibly reading a book, though I knew I’d been staring blankly at the same page for hours. Sometimes I would flip to the next one, mindlessly following the lines of text as my mind raced, forced to turn the page back when I realized I hadn’t absorbed a thing. Where was he?! Didn’t he know how crazy this was making me? I had to talk to him, I had to know- I pulled my phone and opened a new text to Timo, ignoring the heart I’d entered behind his name. That was a holdover from our high school days when I was shamelessly enamored with him, though I never bothered to update the contact- a guilty pleasure of mine. I typed something out, then erased it. I typed something longer, something shorter, something that came out nastier than I wanted it to. Grunting, I tossed the phone aside, vigorously rubbing my face. This was getting me nowhere.

                I stood abruptly, frowning when I glanced around the apartment and realized how dark it had gotten already. I pushed aside my worries about Timo (Did he get into an accident? Was he that determined to brush me off?) and decided I needed a distraction. What I wasn’t sure, but I knew I had to get out of the apartment or I’d go insane waiting for him to reappear. The longer I let myself wait, the more likely I was to snap at him whenever we did get a chance to talk. Decided, I grabbed my coat and slid into my shoes. It was getting dark and more than likely it was already cold, but a walk was just what I needed.

                The air was cool and clear when I got downstairs, a stiff breeze tossing around the light snow that fell. A small smile on my lips, I tugged my zipper all the way up, stuffing my hands absently in my pockets as I began to walk. The cold invigorated me as I went, clearing my mind and cheering me. I can’t quite explain it, but there was something about winter that revitalized me more than any other season. I chalked it up to my Scandinavian heritage, although Matthias is a bigger baby about the cold than Timo. Since moving in, I’d rarely seen him wearing anything less than one thick hoodie, though usually he wears two. Most days, I would wake up to find him wrapped up in a quilt on the couch, sipping a steaming mug of cocoa. Sometimes, if he’d had a long day at work, the cocoa would be replaced with one of the numerous beers Matthias kept our fridge stocked with, or Irished up with Bailey’s. I smiled at the thought, though determinedly nudging the thoughts of Timo out of my mind. After all, I’d gone on a walk to get him out of my head.

 

                It was full dark when I stopped walking. My long strides ate up the pavement; slowly at first, but my pace increasing steadily as thoughts of Timo invaded. Slowly, pervasively, the entirety of my mind was overtaken. The same doubts haunted me, and I asked myself the same questions that had dogged me all last night over and over. Whenever I let myself settle one way or the other, however briefly, I would pause to cross a street or turn a corner and I would change my mind again. He’d been secretly in love with me this entire time, but too shy to admit it. He was drunk and curious about kissing a man, and I had simply been in the right place at the right time. He thought it would be funny to kiss me while he was drunk and was too ashamed to face me sober.

                I ground my teeth, annoyed with myself and annoyed with Timo. Why couldn’t he have talked to me before running off this morning? It wasn’t –it wasn’t _nice_ , I thought, my words from the night before coming back to me. That’s right, the entire time at work, the entire time we’d talked to each other at least, it felt like he’d been flirting with me. I’d brushed it off then, but thinking of it now, after he kissed me and said-

                “Ve, Luddy, that’s Berwald, isn’t it? Hi Berwald~! Say hi, Luddy!” I turned, somehow unsurprised to see Feliciano clinging to the muscular arm of my ex, Ludwig. Although we’d broken up amicably enough, the two of us hadn’t remained close afterwards. I could practically see the tension radiating off him in fretful waves. This wasn’t the first time we’d run into each other since Gilbert had given me a job, or even the first time I’d seen him with Feliciano. I had to admit, I liked them together. Feliciano was younger and still a bit naïve and careless, but I knew despite his insistence otherwise, Lutz loved mothering him. They fit together well, far better than Ludwig and I ever did, and I was happy for him.

                “’Lo.” I said, giving the couple a small smile.

                “Ah, yes. Hello Berwald.” Ludwig said, uncomfortably shifting his feet before glancing at the building behind him. “Feliciano and I were just headed inside for a drink, would you care to join us?” I paused before replying, wondering if he was only asking to be polite, or if they did want my company.

                “Sure,” I said, finally deciding that one drink wouldn’t hurt.

                “That’s great!” Feliciano beamed at me, tugging at Ludwig’s arm. “See, I told you it wouldn’t be weird! Even if his face is kind of scary, Berwald is a nice guy and just because you used to date doesn’t mean it has to be _awkward_ , Luddy! I’m still friends with all my exes; well, most of them because there are a couple guys who are jerks but Berwald isn’t a jerk, at least I don’t think he’s a jerk but you know him better than I do, don’t you?” Feliciano continued to ramble on as we walked inside, occasionally letting Ludwig get a word in edgewise. I was happy to listen, though maybe a bit out of my element if I was honest with myself. I did like Feliciano, but he surpassed even Timo when it came to being a chatterbox.

                The three of us grabbed seats at the corner of the bar and ordered a round of beers, which I insisted on paying for.

                “How have you been, Berwald?” Ludwig asked; still stiff, but I could see the beer beginning to ease his tension already. I shrugged.

                “Doin’ okay.” I said, shrugging. Ludwig frowned, his icy blue eyes focusing all too sharply on mine. I quickly looked away, taken aback. I’d forgotten how well Lutz was able to read me.

                “If there is something bothering you, you can tell us.” Ludwig said, taking a sip of his beer, a light flush settling across his cheeks. “You always keep things to yourself and it’s not healthy.”

                “’S nothing. Been a little rough since I lost m’ job, that’s all.” I said, looking away as I took a long drink of beer. I appreciated the gesture, but I didn’t want to get into my current romantic problems with my ex.

                “Ve, did Gilbert fire you? Luddy, you need to talk to him and-“

                “I believe Berwald was referring to his job as an architect, yes?” Ludwig raised an eyebrow, and I nodded in reply.

                “I bet you’re a great architect, Berwald! Ve, ve~ I have a great idea, I’ll talk to Grandpa Roma! He has lots of friends and who knows? Maybe someone can help you get a new job! Though it would be sad having you leave the club, since you are such a good bouncer. Your face is so scary!” Feliciano said happily. I ignored the comment about my scary face, shaking my head at his all-too generous offer.

                “Ya don’t need t’ do that. ‘M puttin’ in applications all th’ time, I-“

                “It’s fine. There’s no use arguing with him when he gets excited like this. Believe me, I’ve tried.” Ludwig said affectionately. Feliciano grinned and gave his forearm a gentle pat.

                “Yep! Usually when Luddy tries to argue with me I just cry and he does what I want anyway.” he said brightly. I chuckled.

                “Wish I’d known that a couple years ago. Woulda made things more fun,” Ludwig snorted as he drank, beer nearly shooting out of his nose. He set the bottle on the bar with a thud and laughed.

                “Berwald, you are absolutely the last man on earth who would use tears as a weapon! I can’t picture it.”

                “Might work better since ‘s so unexpected.” I paused, smiling to myself. “Maybe I’ll try it on Timo.”

                “Ooh, is he your boyfriend? Maybe we can double date sometime! Ve, that would be so much fun! I always try to get Lovi and Antonio to go out with us but he gets so angry when I say Antonio’s his boyfriend so it would be super fun to have another couple to do couple stuff with!”

                “Timo’s not- we’re friends, ‘s all. Not even- we’re just roommates.”

                “That Timo?” Ludwig gave me a look, accompanied by a disapproving sigh. I’d never gone too in-depth about my feelings for Timo when we’d been together, but he was a perceptive man. I always suspected he’d realized more about the situation between Timo and I than what little I had told him. Reluctantly, I nodded. “ _Mein Gott_ , Berwald, you’re living with him? No wonder you look miserable.”

                “Hm,” I didn’t want to get into it, especially not with Ludwig, although the opportunity to tell somebody, anybody, was more than a little tempting. I didn’t have many close friends, and Matthias was probably the closest thing I had to a best friend. And I definitely couldn’t tell him Timo kissed me; the first thing he would do would be to tell Luka, and that was the last thing that I wanted.

                "You can talk to us, Berwald." Ludwig said. I took a deep breath.

                “Livin’ wi’ Timo’s been weird, but mostly good. Don’t see each other much since I work nights. He showed up at th’ bar last night wi’ his friends and I thought maybe he was flirtin’ wi’ me, but I brushed it off because I know he’s straight. Then after I hauled him home, he told m’ straight guys were attracted t’ men sometimes, and that I was . . . That he was attracted t’ me and- he kissed me.” The words slid out of my mouth before I could think to stop them. In a surge of embarrassment, I grabbed my beer and drained it to hide my blush.

                “He kissed you?” Ludwig said, looking shocked. Beside him, Feliciano just looked fascinated with the story.

                “He was drunk ‘ff his ass. Prob’ly didn’t mean it.” I shrugged, focusing on the woodgrain of the bar.

                “That sounds like my brother!” Feliciano said, chuckling. “He’s been dating Antonio for ages but he still insists he’s straight,”

                “Timo’s not in th’ closet.” I insisted, but Luka’s words wiggled out of the recesses of my brain. _‘He’s not completely straight, either_ ’ I frowned, ignoring the slim hope that gave me.

                “Ve, have you asked him?” Feliciano rested his head on his hand, giving me a lazy smile.

                “Haven’t seen him. He was gone when I woke up this mornin’.”

                “It sounds like he’s afraid of his own feelings, ve? It’s hard to be honest with other people when you can’t be honest with yourself.” Feliciano said. Ludwig scowled, shaking his head.

                “Even so, he owes Berwald an explanation at the very least! I don’t understand how you’re so calm about it.”

                “Believe me, ‘m not.” I said, giving him a small smile. “Drove m’self crazy waitin’ around th’ apartment fer him t’ come home, so I went on a walk t’ clear m’ head. ‘S good I ran into th’ two of ya, think talkin’ about it helped. Thanks,”

                “It’s no trouble. We’re friends, aren’t we? I suppose the situation is a bit odd, but I hope things work out for the two of you.” Ludwig said with a crisp nod.

                “Thanks again.” I stood. “Think I’ll head home, see 'f Timo got back yet. Was nice runnin’ into ya,”

                “Ve, it really was! We’ll see you around, Berwald!” Feliciano scrambled out of his bar stool to give me a hug. “And I won’t forget to talk to Grandpa Roma, either!” I chuckled, shaking my head. I was glad I’d forced myself out of the apartment, I decided. Ludwig and Feliciano were probably the last people I would have wanted to run into, but it had been good talking to them. Regardless of what happened with myself and Timo, I would have to see more of them. It was good having friends.

               


	7. Chapter 7

                When I had gotten home, Berwald was gone. Somehow, I’d pictured him sitting angrily on the couch, glaring at the wall all day for me to come home like some kind of disgruntled puppy. Granted, I’d taken my time. A lengthy talk with Eduard had turned into a long lunch and then catching a movie; then finishing up some errands that could have waited. Honestly, I had been too much of a coward to come back and face him. Talking with Eduard had helped a little, but his advice had simply been to talk to Berwald, be honest with him about my feelings and- well, that wasn’t something I felt I could do right away. And by the time I’d worked up the courage, he wasn’t there! I’d waited up until midnight, then once I realized he’d probably gone to work, felt silly and reluctantly went to bed. I tossed and turned, my mind filled with thoughts of Berwald. I felt guilty and disconcerted about his absence, though I eventually fell into an uneasy half sleep.

                _Thud!_ My eyes flew open, my heart thumping wildly in my throat as at the noise coming from the living room. I held my breath, waiting for another noise, while my hand slipped towards my nightstand. Those were definitely footsteps! As quietly as I could, I sat up and threw aside the covers. I pulled open the drawer, my fingers easily finding the cool metal of my glock. My mind was racing- who the hell would want to break into our apartment? The building was in a nicer neighbourhood, but it was fairly obvious that Berwald and I were less than wealthy. I shook the thoughts away; this was not the time to be wonder why I was being robbed, this was the time to act.

                I released the safety and cocked it as I approached the door, and slowly, carefully, I held the gun out in front of me as I stepped into the hall. I did my best to remain calm, my finger on the trigger, when I walked into the living room. It was still dark, but there he was! Oh _god_ , he was huge too, with a giant -pizza box? Regardless, I wasn’t going to take a chance.

                “Freeze, asshole!” I raised the gun, aiming steadily at the large figure.

                “Timo?! What th’ hell are ya doin’- is that a _gun_?!”

                “Berwald?” I squinted in the darkness, my gun still at the ready. It did look like him and sound like him- and it made more sense for Berwald to be bringing home a pizza than a burglar.

                “Course ‘s me! Can ya put that thing down? I know yer a good shot but I don’t like havin’ a loaded gun pointed at m’ face!”

                “Sorry, sorry!” I laughed, lowering my arms. “I was mostly asleep, and when I heard noise coming from the living room I thought it was a burglar since I thought you were at work!” Berwald grunted, reaching down to turn on the lamp. I blinked rapidly in the sudden brilliance.

                “Timo, why d’ ya have a gun-n- _naked_. Yer naked,” He blushed heavily, his eyes firmly on the ground, holding out the pizza box between us like some kind of shield. I glanced down, then let out a nervous chuckle.

                “Oh! Yeah, sorry about that. I was so freaked out I just kind of grabbed the gun and ran out here. I didn’t really think about how I sleep naked.” I didn’t bother trying to cover myself, comfortable in my nudity and maybe, a tiny part of me wanted Berwald to look. It had been nice to finally admit to someone that I was bi after having it lurk just underneath my consciousness for so long. Eduard had cautioned against doing anything rash with Berwald; even if he didn’t like him much, Eduard thought it wasn’t a good idea to experiment with him considering how into me he had been. Grudgingly, I saw his point. Berwald had been in love with me most of his life, it wasn’t exactly considerate to start pouncing on him now. I wished he was someone else. To any other guy, I could confess that I was attracted to him physically and was interested in exploring my newfound sexuality. With Berwald, however . . . there was no way I could ask him to play around with me.

                “Timo, I-“

                “Hey, is that a pizza?” I said, eagerly changing the subject. The mood I was in now, who knows what I would say to him. “Can I have some?” Berwald glanced up, apparently without thinking because he turned beet red again and quickly looked down.

                “Put s’me pants ‘n first!”

 

 

                An awkward half hour later, Berwald and I sat on opposite ends of the couch, the remnants of the pizza laying on the coffee table between us. A movie was playing, but I honestly couldn’t remember what He’d put on, nor could I pay any attention to it now. Berwald hadn’t spoken a word the entire time we were eating, but I had been hyper-aware of his presence beside me the entire time. I felt every movement of the couch when he stretched, and swore I could feel the faint heat radiating off his body, even from a couple feet away.

                “Aren’t ya cold?” Berwald said abruptly, making me jump. I gave him a weak smile, shrugging.

                “Not really. Why, are you?”

                “’M fine.” He met my eyes briefly, then looked away. “Thought ya might be, yer usually wearin’ more than boxers,” I blushed heavily, looking down at my naked chest. He was right, I almost always dressed in ridiculous layers, and wrapped in a blanket on top of that. What was I doing? I never lounged around the apartment in my underwear, even when Petra and I had been together, even when I lived alone. Had I really stooped so low to get Berwald’s attention?

                “Shit, I’m sorry! I swear I didn’t think about it, I’ll go get dressed- wait, I probably should get to bed, huh? It’s pretty late,”

                “Ya don’t need t’ run off, ‘m not gonna maul ya.”

                “No, I’m the one who mauls people.” I said quietly. It was now or never. “I’m really sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t have done that; I’ve just been a little confused lately.”

                “Confused ‘bout what?” Berwald said tentatively. I gave a short, anxious laugh.

                “It’s . . . ugh. Okay, so last night I said ‘straight guys can be attracted to guys sometimes’, right?” Berwald nodded. I swallowed heavily, focusing on the pizza box. “I never really thought about that before last night. Like, I was always kind of aware I felt that way; I just thought it was normal for a straight guy to do that. But kissing you last night –which I totally shouldn’t have and I’m like so, so sorry about- made me realize . . . I’m not totally straight.” Berwald remained silent, his face a concentrated frown.

                “Yer bisexual,” he said finally. “An’ ya were always attracted t’ me?” I nodded.

                “It really freaked me out when we were younger. You were just so set on me, it was so intense! I couldn’t help noticing that I thought you were attractive, or that I liked your muscles and you had a nice ass- I didn’t want to think that way, didn’t want to admit that I might be into guys too.” I said softly, still unable to meet his eyes.

                “So it’s my fault. No wonder ya hated me,” Berwald said, his voice barely above a whisper.

                “I never hated you! I just- I didn’t know how to deal with you! You were so much bigger than me and you made me feel things I didn’t want to feel and- calling me your _wife_ in front of everybody- ugh! You know how many people would laugh at me in high school, how many laughed at us? Called us fags? It was hard enough going through high school looking like this!” I said angrily, gesturing at my still too-skinny body. I barely had any muscle tone, practically zero body hair, and my attempts to grow a mustache were a long running joke in the family. Coupled with my delicate (I would _never_ say girly) features and a giant man running around behind me calling me his wife- well, I might as well painted a giant target on my back for bullies. To be fair, Berwald had kept me from the worst of it. He’d hit six feet before our freshman year of high school, and wasn’t shy about beating the crap out of anyone he heard giving me a hard time. But even the threat of violence could stop all the snickers and snide remarks.

                “There’s _nothin’_ wrong wi’ th’ way ya look, Timo.” Berwald said fiercely, his blue-green eyes burning through his glasses, his cheeks a bright red.

                “I’m too g- I’m not manly enough.” I said faintly, my voice cracking under the intensity of Berwald’s gaze. He shook his head, tentatively reaching out to stroke my arm.

                “Yer perfect th’ way ya are.”

                “You’re just saying that,” I insisted.

                “’M not!” he said, scooting a shade closer to me, his hand sliding up to my shoulder. “Course ‘m attracted t’ ya, yer gorgeous. Damnit, ‘m not good wi’ words, but . . . I like who ya are, Timo. Doesn’t matter what ya look like, whether yer a man or a woman; I’d still feel th’ same ‘bout ya.” Somehow, while Berwald was talking, he’d snuck his hand up to cup my cheek, his thumb slowly caressing the skin. I’d been so hypnotized by his flattery and the way his eyes became so wonderfully sea-green when he was serious, I hadn’t noticed. He didn’t move, seemingly content where he was.

                “Berwald,” I inhaled deeply, barely breathing his name. I knew I shouldn’t do it. Despite the last –what was it, five?- years we’d spent becoming strangers, the man was still head over heels in love with me. If anything happened between us, he would want far more than I could reasonably give him. All I wanted was a casual fling, something non-committal while I decided how into men I was. If I kissed Berwald now, there was a chance I’d hurt him irrevocably in the end.

                “Timo,” When he whispered my name, I knew I didn’t have a choice. I kissed him anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my favourite chapter so far! I really like the way I wrote the last part, and TimoxGuns is probably a close second OTP hahah. Also, I realized that my portrayal of Timo being a baby about the cold is less than accurate . . . Let's just say he can handle outside cold fine, but if he's indoors he needs to be warm lol. 
> 
> I originally planned on having about ten or so chapters, but I think the way it's going it'll be about fifteen, maybe even twenty. I don't want to drag things out too long, because I do have other things I want to write, including a bunch of stuff set in this AU; specifically a Spamano five chapter fic and a Gerita one to two shot, both of which I already started. Other ideas I have are a PruHunAus love triangle, a FrUk fic which kind of segues into a RusAme fic, and of course, a DenNor something or other lol. I'm also tempted to write a little something about Berwald and Ludwig, just because. I adore Berwald and Timo together absolutely, but thinking about Berwald and Ludwig's previous relationship makes me want to do something cute with the two of them. Of course, this is all up in the air and I make no promises. Real life had a bad habit of making fic writers liars when they promise too much lol.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh, this should have been posted last week OTL. I honestly thought that I had put it up already, then when I went to upload nine, I was missing a chapter, so . . . I'm just going to post both and pretend eight was already up XD

                When Timo kissed me the night before, I was too overwhelmed to process anything- or appreciate how he tasted. Despite the overpowering taste of garlic and tomatoes, he had a natural delicate sweetness I couldn’t place, no matter how many times I met his tongue with mine. I held his face with both of my hands, not trusting myself to let them wander. I was painfully aware of the fact that he was only wearing boxers, and I didn’t want to scare him off with too much too quickly. I had no illusions about what he wanted from me. I was a convenience, an old friend who was gay and who he was comfortable enough to experiment with without any awkwardness. Never mind that my unrequited crush had reared its ugly head again and- oh god, he was sucking my tongue, his hand fisted so tightly in my t shirt he was nearly choking me with it and-

                I moaned, unable to stop myself, and pushed him forcefully to his back. I held myself up with one hand while the other slipped down his chest, my fingers drinking in every inch. Moving my lips down his jaw, my tongue flicked along his neck as I skimmed his hip, hardly daring to touch any lower before-

                “Berwald, Timo! You guys awake?!” The door flung open, banging resoundingly against the opposite wall. At the sound of Matthias’s voice, I fell off the couch with startled yelp. “What’s going on here?” he said, his face dark as he stomped towards us.

                “Nothing, nothing! Ber and I were just watching a movie,” Timo said quickly, his face bright red as he grabbed a throw pillow and held it over his crotch. Matthias’s eyes followed the movement and with an enraged snort he bounded towards the couch.

                “Movie my ass, you shitty harlot!” he roared, his fist swinging carelessly wide, nearly taking a tumble onto the couch himself.

                “We weren’t doing anything, I swear!” Timo let out a startled squeak, scurrying back.

                “You’re naked! And- and-!” He broke off into an incoherent mix of Danish and Swedish curses, and took another swing at Timo. Before I could disentangle myself from the coffee table, Matthias lunged forward, his fist connecting with a solid _thunk_ to Timo’s right eye.

                “Th’ fuck do ya think yer doin’!” I leapt to my feet, ignoring the crash of the coffee table behind me. I grabbed the collar of his hoodie, yanking him off his feet and hauling him away from the couch.

                “Berwald, I-“

                “Shut th’ fuck up,” I growled, and shoved him into the nearby armchair. “An’ what are ya doin’ here this time ‘f night?”

                “ _His_ shitty sister kicked me out after she hacked into my phone and saw Belle was texting me-“

                “Why is your ex texting you anyway?” Timo said peevishly.

                “You stay out of it!” Matthias said, his cheeks flushed. “I hang out with Wilhelm sometimes, so what? I asked him something about Luka and he told me his sister would know better than he would so that’s it.”

                “Yeah right!” Timo snorted, ignoring Matthias’s glare.

                “What did ya want Belle’s advice ‘bout?” I said, mildly interested. I didn’t doubt he was telling the truth; my brother was certainly thoughtless enough to ask his ex for romantic advice. If anything, it was Wilhelm’s fault for suggesting it, he ought to know better.

                “I . . .” Matthias took a deep breath, running a hand through his already wild hair. “I’m going to ask Luka to marry me. I wanted advice about getting a ring.” I could only stare at him, my eyebrows raised in surprise. The two of them had been dating off and on since they were thirteen, and already practically married in the eyes of our parents. Having Matthias actually considering a proposal was a shock though; Dad and I both expected Luka would be the one eventually popping the question.

                “Oh my god!! That’s- why didn’t you ask Mama? She-“

                “ _She_ would have told Luka immediately.” Matthias said, scowling. Timo looked as if he was going to argue, then quietly shut his mouth without a word. Matthias was right; Mama V was unashamedly a gossip. “Yeah, so Luka went through my phone and kicked my sorry ass out at three in the morning. And, uh, either of you care to explain why I walked in to find you sucking face? What’s up with that? All through high school it was ‘ _Mattie I’m straight get your scary brother stop saying I’m his wife!’_ and _‘Matthias I like girls and your weird brother-_ “

                “We get it,” I said, beginning to get irritated.

                “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Matthias said, focusing sharply on Timo. “Like, are you suddenly gay now, or are you messing with Ber ‘cause you think it’s funny?”

                “I’m not gay!” Timo said sharply. “And I’m not messing with Berwald either! Look, what’s going on with us is between me and Ber. If you hadn’t barged into our apartment in the middle of the fucking night- how did you get in here anyway?!”

                “Berwald gave me the spare,” Matthias said, subdued but still somewhat angry. I didn’t get it, what was he so angry about? “And I’m glad he did! I don’t know what you think you’re doing but you’re not allowed to-“

                “Timo’s allowed t’ do anythin’ he wants t’me. We’re both consentin’ adults. ‘S not yer business.”

                “It is my business if he breaks your heart again! I remember how depressed you got after he brought that stupid roommate of his home for dinner and like, _destroyed_ you in the kitchen. Don’t make that face Berwald, we all heard him screaming at you. And I know that’s why you went so crazy with the partying your last few years of college!” I was touched by my brother’s concern, I really was. However, it was beyond mortifying to have him insinuate that Timo was the reason I’d gone a little crazy while I was in school. While his complete and utter rejection may have spurred me into going to a gay bar for the first time, it wasn’t the only reason and there was no purpose to imply it was- especially while he was listening.

                “That doesn’ have anythin’ t’ do wi’ Timo.” I said sternly, my faintly pink cheeks betraying me. “I was stressed out by exams an’ th’ internship an’ I drank too much but- Look, give me th’ key to th’ apartment, an’ I’ll find some blankets so ya can sleep on th’ couch.”

                “Berwald,” Matthias whined my name, but I held my ground; glaring at him as I held out my hand. Finally, he pouted, but rummaged through his pockets before dropping the spare into my waiting palm. I grunted, then turned to Timo, intending to ask him where the blankets would be, but he’d already scampered off.


	9. Chapter 9

                A loud crash of guitars woke me from my uncomfortably deep sleep, and I winced at the pins and needles in my arm as I reached for my phone. “Hello?” I said blearily, not bothering to check the caller ID. I felt as if I was hungover, though I knew for certain I hadn’t drunk anything the night before.

                “Is my idiot boyfriend there?”

                “What? Luka?” I groaned into the phone, ignoring my sister’s annoyed sigh.

                “My boyfriend? Matthias. I kicked him out last night and I think he said something about Berwald but I haven’t heard from him since then, and he’s not picking up his phone.”

                “Right.” I sat up, groggily rubbing my face, and winced as I touched my eye. Last night came back in a rush, and I blushed in spite of myself. “Yeah, Matthias is here. He walked in when Berwald and I- he walked in on me and Berwald on the couch. It was late.”

                “Late at night? With Berwald on the couch? What were you two doing?” Luka said, far too much interest in her voice.

                “Watching a movie.” I said, aware of how my blush deepened. I was glad she wasn’t in the room to call me on it.

                “What movie, _Brokeback Mountain_?” With an irritated grunt, I ended the call. She’d definitely been spending too much time with Matthias lately.

                I dragged myself out of bed, lazily pulling on clothes. The thought of coffee was tempting, but part of me was reluctant to leave the relative safety of my bedroom. Today was Sunday, meaning our monthly brunch with our parents- both families. So, me, Luka, Emil, Berwald, Matthias, their dad and both my parents, all in the same room as Matthias’s giant mouth. Matthias was like a little kid when it came to holding onto secrets; namely, he didn’t. In just a few hours, my entire immediate family would know I had been making out with Berwald, who I’d spent the better part of my life avoiding.

                I didn’t exactly regret kissing him. Frankly, it had been hotter than a kiss from a man had any right to be, and gotten more of a reaction from me than anything my ex had done the last few months we were together. I just wasn’t super stoked for my mother to hear I’d been kissing a guy in the middle of the night and hearing Matthias’s doubtlessly coloured version of what he’d walked in on. And Berwald- what did he think about it? Maybe if all else failed we could beat his brother up to prevent him from talking.

               

                Somewhat cheered by the thought, I emerged from the bedroom and made my way to the kitchen. Some kind of atrocious pop music wafted through the apartment, soft and indistinct, but I could tell I hated it whatever it was. I peeked into the living room on my way; Matthias was sprawled half on the couch, a blanket covering his stomach while he snored almost loud enough to drown out the music. With a snort, I shook my head and walked into the kitchen. Berwald stood over the stove, poking something with a spatula singing under his breath. The smell was infinitely more intriguing than the music, but his voice made me smile nonetheless.          

                “What the hell are you listening to?” I grunted, heading directly for the coffeepot. And if I admired the way his pajama pants clung to his ass on the way there, so what? He started, fumbling with the spatula, glancing over his shoulder at me with a light blush.

                “Frankie Valli,”

                “He sucks,” I muttered, pulling a mug from the cupboard.

                “I like it.” he said, and with a small smile, reached over to his phone and turned up the volume. I snorted.

                “Your brother is still sleeping, you know.” He turned it up louder, making me laugh. “You’re so inconsiderate,”

                “Matthias ‘s th’ inconsiderate one,” he muttered darkly and shook his head.

                “Hey, don’t worry about him walking in last night,” I said quickly, taking the few steps across the kitchen to stand beside him, placing a hand at the small of his back. “It’s kind of embarrassing, but-“

                “Yer eye!” Berwald said, his voice thunderous. Scowling, he firmly took my chin in his hand, turning my face so he could study it more intently. “’M gonna break his nose,”

                “Wait!” I reached up, grabbing his wrist. “It’s really not that big a deal, okay? I mean, it’s probably still red and it does hurt still, but you don’t need to hit him.”

                “Yer whole eye ‘s black an’ blue,” he said, frowning. Hesitantly, I reached up to touch it and winced at the tenderness.

                “Urgh, it definitely feels that way.” I said, but shook off the pain. “Look, it doesn’t matter. It’s not the first black eye I got, it’ll go away soon.”

                “ _He_ better go away soon,” Berwald muttered. I chuckled, reaching up to touch his cheek.

                “I’m sure I can convince Luka to take him home after brunch.” Berwald swore, glancing at the stove. “You forgot about brunch, didn’t you?” He grimaced, nodding.

                “Last night, hm, distracted m’ a bit,” he admitted. “Ya think Matthias-?”

                “You think he won’t?” I said, snorting. “I mean, I’m not thrilled about him blabbing to everyone since it’s really not any of their business but . . . it’s not that big a deal.” I forced the lie out. It was a big deal, at least to me. I wanted to be absolutely sure before I said anything to my parents about me being bi- if I ever told them. It wasn’t important for them to know- unless I had plans to seriously date someone with a dick in the future. Which, at the moment, I did not.

                “’M sorry Timo. Never thought he’d stumble his way in here- never thought that he’d walk in on us doin’- never thought ya would let me-“ I pressed a finger to his lips, smiling. His flustered explanations were so adorable, I could barely stand it. And the light blush dusting his cheeks, and the surprising softness of his lips beneath my finger . . . I leant in for a kiss, my hand slipping down to his shoulder.

                “Holy shit, you two are like gross teenagers.” Matthias burst into the kitchen, sneering at us. Embarrassed, I jumped away from Berwald, who glowered at his brother.

                “Th’ pot’s callin’ th’ kettle black,”

                “What’s that supposed to mean?” Matthias frowned at him, making his way towards the coffee. I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms against my chest.

                “I don’t suppose it has anything to do with how you and Luka can barely keep your tongues in your own mouths when you’re in the same room, does it?” Matthias blushed hotly, but stayed silent as he fixed himself a cup of coffee. “Look, please don’t tell my parents.”

                “Why?” Matthias leant on the counter, sipping his coffee, a cold look in his eyes. “Is it embarrassing for you to get caught kissing a guy?” he mocked.

                “That’s not it!” I said fiercely. I groaned, raking my fingers through my hair. “With Berwald and me, it’s . . . It’s complicated, okay? I think- I think I’ve been interested in him for a long time, and it was hard for me to deal with those feelings and I- and _we_ need time to figure that out. I don’t want Mama or Dad or your dad doing who the fuck knows and being weird about it, okay? It’s weirder for me than anybody else-“

                “I’m _so_ happy to hear you think being with my brother is weird.”

                “’S not what he means,” Berwald said, placing his hand firmly, protectively, on my shoulder. “An’ we’re not- not together. Not like ya think. He thinks he might be bisexual, an’ ‘m gay so . . . ‘M helpin’ him sort out his feelin’s. ‘S all it is.” I turned, frowning at Berwald over my shoulder. He wasn’t wrong, that’s all I really wanted, but . . . It felt wrong to hear him say it.

                “You’re letting him _use_ you-“

                “He’s not! An’ he didn’t- I offered.” That was wrong. It was all wrong- he never said that. I was the one who kissed him, I was the one who had changed things between us, who had- “Anythin’ goin’ on between us ‘s gonna be physical, only physical, got it? Tellin’ ev’ryone ‘bout us ‘s only gonna make things weird fer everybody. So don’t.” Berwald was understanding, maybe too understanding, when it came to what I wanted. Really, it was a great improvement over the way he’d ignored my feelings in high school, and I should be grateful for the change, but somehow, I wasn’t. He’d told his brother everything I had thought about us, everything I had tossed and turned over last night, trying vainly to think of a good way to tell him. I only wanted to play with Berwald, to see how interested I was in men. He knew that, he was okay with that and I- I should have been thrilled that he understood without having an awkward conversation about it. But somehow, I wasn’t- I was . . . Disappointed. And it hurt me deeply to hear him say it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Frankie Valli Berwald was listening to is either 'Can't Take My Eyes Off of You' or 'My Eyes Adored You'. He is a sappy romantic at heart, especially when it comes to Timo.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full-time jobs suck, man. Full-time jobs where your boss doesn't like you suck worse.

                “What happened to your eye?!” Luka screeched, charging across the kitchen as soon as we walked in. She grabbed Timo’s face, scowling as she forcibly turned his chin this way and that to get a better look.

                “It’s nothing Luka, I fell out of bed last night-“

                “That is such crap,” Emil snorted, raising an eyebrow as he whisked pancake batter.

                “It’s _his_ fault I punched him-“

                “’S the truth, he did-“ Matthias and I spoke at once, though Luka ignored me and went straight for her boyfriend, shoving Timo out of her way in the process.

                “You did what? Are you taking it out on my baby brother because we got into an argument? Matthias I swear to god I’m going to-“

                “I told you it was his fault, not mine! He was mauling Berwald and I had to protect him!” Luka stopped, staring at him, and unwillingly began to laugh.

                “Honey, Berwald is taller than you, heavier than you, and you needed to protect him from _Timo_?”

                “What’s that supposed to mean?!” Timo bristled. As casually as I could, I placed a restraining hand on his shoulder.

                “Timo, we all know the most threatening thing about you is your guns. Even if you and Berwald were – _wrestling­_ , let’s say-“ Her eyebrows rose delicately on the word wrestling, and Timo’s face contorted into an angry blush. “I find it very hard to believe you would be on top.”

                “Luka you stupid-!” Timo lunged at her, but I held his shoulder firmly.

                “If you guys don’t stop fighting I won’t make any pancakes.” Emil said levelly. When Timo ignored him and continued to curse out his sister, Emil took the bowl and walked quietly to the sink. I clamped a hand over his mouth. We’d split the omelet I’d made this morning, but I was still hungry and Emil made pancakes just as good as his mother did. "I used the last of the lingon berries too."

                “Fine,” Luka held up her hands, though not before shooting Matthias a dirty look. “Emil, looks like you win the bet.”

                “What are you talking about?” Timo said angrily. Emil gave his sister a small, quiet smile and returned the bowl to the counter.

                “Hmm, not quite yet. It’s not a hundred percent confirmed- though there’s lots of mounting evidence.” Emil said, pointedly looking at my hand which still rested on Timo’s shoulder. Blushing, I quickly stepped back. I wasn’t sure what they were talking about, but I was sure I didn’t want to know.

                “If you guys made some stupid bet involving me and Berwald I’m going to beat the crap out of both of you.” Timo growled, stalking through the kitchen before taking a seat at the center island. I followed behind him, pausing at the coffee pot. It was thoughtful of Emil to make coffee, though he (and Luka) didn’t drink it.

                “That’s not much of a threat,” Luka said, ruffling his hair affectionately as she sat beside him. Timo only glared.

                “I’ll have Berwald do it then. And we’ll take the winnings and go get dinner or something,”

                “See, I knew you two moving in together would be good!” Luka said smugly. Timo scowled at her.

                “Whatever. Do you know why Mama and Dad aren’t here? Or Bjorn?”

                “Mama won some kind of radio contest, so she and Dad are in Vermont for the weekend at some fancy B and B.” Emil said, glancing over his shoulder at me as he began to pour the batter into a waiting skillet, sizzling temptingly. “Your dad was here earlier but he got called into work.”

                “More pancakes for me then!” Matthias grinned, plopping beside Luka. She sent him a withering glare.

                “Don’t sit next to me. I’m really not in the mood for you right now.”

                “What? Darling-“

                “Was I your darling last night when you were texting Belle until two in the morning? And punching poor defenseless Timo-“

                “Leave me out of your stupid fight! And besides, he had a totally legit reason for talking to her.” Timo said, annoyed, though he beamed when I set a cup of coffee in front of him. I took the last seat to his right, hiding a smile of my own behind my cup.

                “Oh? And what might that legit reason be?” Luka said, her voice low and cold.

                “Ask him yerself. But ‘f ya ask me, Matthias was bein’ more stupid than malicious when he talked t’ her. Ya know he’s kind of an idiot.” I said. Luka pursed her lips.

                “Your brother has a point, but I’m still going to be pissed off until you explain yourself.” she said. It was as much of a compromise that Luka ever gave him, and by the grin melting across his face, Matthias realized it too.

                “I can’t tell you yet but when I do you’ll love it! I mean, I hope you will, I really really want you to . . .”

                “Don’t take too long,” she said curtly, a light blush on her cheeks as she sipped a cup of tea.

  

               

                A few hours later, Timo was upstairs helping Emil with the economics homework he’d been putting off while the rest of us watched an old movie. Well, Matthias and me; Luka had fallen asleep on his shoulder not even five minutes after the opening credits. It had been a nice, relaxing day- made even better by the fact that I didn’t have to go into work later.

                “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Matthias said, frowning as he glanced down at Luka, as if to assure himself she was actually asleep.

                “What?”

                “Well, this morning in the kitchen- did you really offer? Or did Timo ask you?”

                “Ask m’ what?” I said, playing dumb. I didn’t want to talk about it, and maybe if I pretended not to understand him, Matthias would give up, too embarrassed to spell it out. Matthias grunted, the annoyed sound catching in his throat.

                “About you know- you helping him decide if he likes dudes or not. I’m just worried-“

                “Matthias.” I said, my face falling into a deeper frown than usual. “How old do ya think I am? I’ll admit we didn’t talk ‘bout it. We didn’t get much of a chance t’ talk ‘bout it. But I know Timo, I know that’s all he wants. Least, all he’d want from me.”

                “That’s what I’m worried about!” Matthias said, and I was taken aback by the frustration in his voice. “You were hung up on him for so long, are you going to be okay screwing around with him?” I scowled.

                “Just because we were makin’ out a little doesn’t mean I’m suddenly in love wi’ him again.”

                “I- isn’t it hard to separate the sex stuff from your feelings?” he said, his face a bright red. “I mean for me, it’s always been Luka and- and it was never just sex! It was more than that and- look, bro, I don’t want to see you get hurt,” I was surprised at his confession. I knew that he’d only ever had serious feelings for Luka, but I’d never thought (or really, cared to think) about who else he might have been with. I knew Matthias was more sentimental than most people gave him credit for, but I didn’t expect that sort of reaction to the idea of casual sex.

                “Most of th’ time, ‘s easy t’ focus on yerself and keep yerself detached. I never had a problem wi’ it anyway. Course, when I was wi’ Ludwig it was different,” I said, frowning slightly as I considered doing anything more physical with Timo. Matthias’s worrying was irritating, but he had a point. I had never quite fallen for any one the way I had for Timo, and despite my best efforts to resist it, I could feel myself easing back into the crush. “It’s my mistake t’ make.” I said finally.

                “Are you sure?” Matthias grimaced, his eyebrows furrowed. I nodded, grunting.

                “As much as I can be. I’ll always have some kinda feelin’ fer him, but doesn’t mean ‘m in love wi’ him anymore. Maybe I never was, was just lust an’ hormones an’ bein’ a stupid teenager.” I said, though the words rang false even to me.

                “And you think what, if you two have sex it’ll get him out of your system?” Matthias scoffed.

                “Might, might make it worse.” I shrugged. “Either way, ‘m not goin’ t’ say no. Wanted him too badly fer too long t’ give up th’ chance.”

                “But if he’s using you-“

                “So what?” I snapped, beginning to get annoyed. “Maybe I’m usin’ him too. What if Luka acted like she hated ya yer whole life, then suddenly decided she wanted t’ sleep wi’ ya? Would ya tell her no?” Matthias was silent, stroking her platinum blonde hair with a frown.

                “I guess I’d do the same thing. But Berwald-“

                “But nothin’. ‘M done talkin’ about m’ sex life wi’ ya.” I said firmly, ignoring the heat that had gathered at my cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise there won't be such a long delay between chapters again! This chapter gave me more than a little trouble at the worst possible time. Things at work have not been fun and it was hard for me to write at all, much less force myself through writer's block. Rest assured, I'm halfway done with the next chapter, and I have a general idea of what I want to do next!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets a bit racier at the end than I intended, but enjoy!

                I bounded happily down the stairs, humming to myself as I went into the kitchen. Emil had the same economics teacher I’d had in high school, and while he was a hardass, he still used the same questions for homework. One foray into the closet in my old bedroom, and we’d found several of my binders from senior year, including the one from econ- relevant worksheets still inside. I never normally would help Emil cheat, but my embarrassment at not remembering a single answer tempted me a little too much. Besides, I reasoned, Emil was a smart kid. Even if he copied the answers for one assignment, he’d read them and comprehend them and learn from that. I nodded, satisfied with that justification, and lingered in front of the fridge. Did I want a beer before Berwald and I headed out? Maybe I’d ask him if he wanted one-

                “It’s my mistake t’ make.” I frowned at his serious tone of voice. What mistake was that?

                “Are you sure?” Matthias said. Wordlessly, I tiptoed towards the entrance to the living room. I’d already helped Emil cheat on his homework; a little eavesdropping wasn’t any worse.

                “As much as I can be. I’ll always have some kinda feelin’ fer him, but ‘t doesn’t mean ‘m in love wi’ him anymore. Maybe I never was, was just lust an’ hormones an’ bein’ a stupid teenager.” There was a silent horrific crack in the pit of my stomach. Berwald was talking about me, wasn’t he? ‘ _His mistake to make’_? Kissing me- _me_. I was the mistake? And he said that he probably never had feelings for me so casually- did that mean that everything he said about liking me for me had been bullshit? He’d sounded genuine enough last night, but that didn’t mean- It didn’t mean anything, did it?

                “And you think what, if you two have sex it’ll get him out of your system?”

                “Might, might make it worse. Either way, ‘m not goin’ t’ say no. Wanted him too badly fer too long t’ give up th’ chance.” Somehow, that made me feel worse. I did have less than honorable intentions, at least last night. He’d made me feel good, made me feel special, and I couldn’t stop myself from taking advantage of what I thought was his serious crush on me.

                “But if he’s using you-“

                “So what? Maybe I’m usin’ him too.” I felt cold all over. I’d never thought of that- never in a million years- true, I had been the one to kiss him first, both times. But what if I was the one being taken advantage of? Whatever feelings he’d had for me in the past were in the past. Had I really deluded myself into thinking that he wanted anything more than an easy lay? Not that _I_ wanted anything else, but- I shook my head, frowning. I _didn’t_ want anything else, so what was I worrying about? Embarrassed at the thought of being caught listening, I tiptoed back to the stairs.

                “But nothin’. ‘M done talkin’ about m’ sex life wi’ ya.” Berwald said with finality. I took it as my cue to noisily stomp into the kitchen.

                “Hey, does anyone else want a beer?” I called out cheerfully. “I’m thinking about taking off soon but a beer does sound good,”

                “I definitely need a beer,” Matthias said, sounding sufficiently exasperated.

                “Me too,” I frowned at the sound of Berwald’s voice but quickly shook it off.

                “Three beers coming up!” I said brightly, and swung open the fridge.

 

 

                “Are ya okay?” Berwald’s voice cut sharply through my muddied thoughts. I fumbled with the keys to the apartment, barely catching them before they slipped through my fingers. I laughed uneasily.

                “I’m not drunk!” I insisted, unlocking the door and hurrying inside.

                “Not that. Ya seemed a little off since we were at yer parents’ place,” he said, following behind me. I shrugged out of my coat, tossing it at the hooks to the left of the door.

                “I didn’t sleep well last night, I guess the exhaustion is catching up with me.” Berwald grunted, hesitating briefly before following me into the kitchen.

                “Ya sure?”

                “Probably,” I gave him a smile. I did feel off, unsure of anything at the moment, but I didn’t want to let him know that. Doubts had begun to creep in –doubts about us, whether doing whatever it was we were doing was good for either of us- and I didn’t want him to know.

                “Hmm,” Berwald grunted, his hand, warm and large, caressing my shoulder as he looked down to meet my eyes. I was painfully aware of the height difference- though less intimidated and more intrigued by it. It was sexy, I decided suddenly. I’d never dated a woman taller than I was- certainly never dated one that had broader shoulders and bigger muscles than me. It was kind of nice –arousing- to be completely enveloped in someone else’s presence. “Can I kiss ya?”

                “Why are you asking?” I said, giggling, charmed by his directness. Colour bloomed in his cheeks as he looked away, shrugging.

                “Still feels weird that I can. That ya want m’ to.”

                “I do want you to,” I said, my voice coming out far softer than I intended. The words were barely out of my mouth when Berwald bent, tenderly pressing his lips against mine. It was a gentle, emotional kiss; just the warmth of his mouth on mine. No tongue, no begging, no desperation for more. How could I doubt what he felt for me was real?

                My fingers twisted in the cotton of his t shirt, dragging him deeper into the kiss. I felt like I was corrupting him when I slid my tongue against his lips, but there was nothing I could do to stop myself. I wanted him too badly. A sound caught in Berwald’s throat, his hand tightening briefly in the flesh of my shoulder before sliding down my chest. His hands wrapped around my hips; his thumbs circling at the tip of my hipbones, his long fingers splayed gently around my ass. His kisses were harder, hungrier now, and I met them with a ferocity that surprised myself. He slid one leg between mine, and with a groan, I ground against it. My arms snaked around his waist, slipping up the back of his t shirt, pulling him closer. The feel of his skin warm against my palms was intoxicating, and I ached for more. As if reading my mind, Berwald held me tighter, his fingers digging into me almost painfully. But before I could cry out, he lessened the pressure, instead hooking this thumbs into the waistband of my jeans, grunting when my belt held them firmly in place. I gasped when he effortlessly unfastened my belt, tugging it open and undoing the buttons carelessly, his fingers-

                “Uh, sorry, I-“ I broke the kiss, blushing profusely as I pushed him back.

                “Want t’ stop?” Berwald said, his voice low and hoarse. His eyes shone brightly blue, and a faint smile danced on his lips as he palmed my crotch. A moan caught in my throat as he teased me. I’d never seen that side of him before, never seen that dark gleam in his eyes. He was always so kind, so gentle- that’s what I liked about him, wasn’t it? If it was, why was it so arousing to have him look at me that way?

                “No- wait, Ber, I-“ My eyes fluttered closed as I covered his hand with mine, preventing him from slipping his fingers inside my jeans.

                “’M I goin’ too fast for ya?” he said, chuckling. I pouted, though I left my hand where it was.

                “Maybe I don’t want to do this in the kitchen?” His eyes focused sharply on mine, a shade greener than before.

                “Got stuff in m’ bedroom.”

                “S-stuff? What kind of stuff?” He gave me an almost predatory smile, making my heart flutter wildly. This was not the kind of expression I was used to him making, and I wasn’t quite sure if I liked it or not. The lower half of me seemed to, but that was beside the point.

                “Condoms, lube. Couple other things,” he said, and let his hand fall away from my crotch, his expression softening. “But we don’t have t’ do anythin’ else tonight if ya don’t want to. Ya don’t look like ya want to,”

                “I do!” I insisted. “Maybe I’m just a little-“ Berwald smiled, and bent to give me a quick, reassuring kiss.

                “Yer nervous, ‘s all right. ‘M a little nervous too, so we’re even.” In spite of myself, a laugh sputtered out.

                “You, nervous?” Berwald frowned slightly, though his whole face seemed to darken. A few months ago, it would have scared the crap out of me, but tonight I couldn't help but find it endearing.

                “’Course. ‘S easy for me t’ get caught up in-“ He gestured vaguely between us. “Don’t want t’ go too fast an’ scare ya off if I can help it.”

                “It’ll take more than that to scare me off,” I said.

                “Good. Promise I won’t test ya too much,” Berwald gave me another small smile, and another quick, gentle kiss, moving back before either of us had time to get too wrapped up in it.

                “Don’t like, _not_ test me.” I said, pouting slightly as he turned to walk out of the room. He stopped, raising an eyebrow. “I mean- look, it’s not like I don’t have condoms and lube in my bedroom too, okay?” Where was I going with that? Was it some kind of half-assed invitation? Not that I didn’t mean it, but if I couldn’t handle him putting his hand down my pants- which, I realized with a blush, were still unfastened. I wanted to fix it, but didn’t want to bring any attention there.

                “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, giving me the same predatory grin.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent the last four hours working on this, and it ended up being nearly twice as long as my usual chapters XD. Hope you all enjoy it, and I'd like to say; I really appreciate all the kudos and comments! This is the first fanfic I've put online since I was a teenager, and it makes me happy that so many people like it! You guys are great <3

                Familiar strains of a Paul McCartney song drifted through my mind, interrupting the picnic Timo and I were having on an iceberg. I tried to ignore it, I liked the song but I was there with Timo and I couldn’t quite hear what he was saying since it was so loud. Still, the music persisted, drowning out all of Timo’s words until it was the only thing in my mind.

                My eyes snapped open. I grunted in annoyance, wincing at the sunlight that streamed through the blinds. Gradually, I realized that the music was still playing, that it was my ringtone, and scrambled to dig my phone out from underneath my pillow.

                “Hello?” I said, resisting the urge to grunt angrily into the phone. I’d done that before since I’d started working nights and I had scared off more than one potential interview because of it.

                “Hello, this is Bella from Vargas Consolidated Industries. Is this Berwald Oxenstierna?”

                “Yes, this ‘s he,” I said, straightening up. I blinked quickly against the sunlight and did my best to sound coherent despite the sleepy fog that enveloped my brain. “Can I ask why yer callin’?”

                “Mr. Vargas would like to set an interview for an opening at one of our partner firms.” she said, the dull edge of professionalism scraping against my brain. Vargas Consolidated Industries? I didn’t remember filling out an application for a company with a name, but I had filled a hell of a lot of them online the past week, I could have easily forgotten one. Either way, I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. “How does Wednesday at four work for you?”

                “Four? PM?” I said, wincing at the croak in my voice.

                “Yes, I’m sorry it’s so late in the day. Mr. Vargas is tied up in meetings the rest of the week.” she said, sounding far from apologetic but it didn’t bother me.

                “No, no, that actually is perfect fer me at th’ moment. Ah, where-?” Her giggle cut me off.

                “The Vargas Building on 22nd. Mr. Vargas’s office is on the twenty-fourth floor. I’ll make sure your name is on the list, come in and one of the girls will show you to the elevator. I’ll see you Wednesday, Mr. Oxenstierna.”

                “Yes, thank ya.” I said, flopping back into the pillows as soon as she’d hung up. I was happy that I hadn’t self-destructed and blown the opportunity already. Hopefully that streak of luck would hold until I exited Mr. Vargas’s office with a brand new job. I chuckled, dropping my phone beside me, and snuggled beneath the covers.

 

               

                It was hours later when I awoke again. I blinked sleepily, surveying the darkened room for a sign of what had woken me up. The apartment was silent, the room was still and dark- I felt a sudden rustle in bed behind me, and suddenly, Timo’s arms slipped around my back. He ran his hands along my bare chest, dragging the backs of his nails against the skin as he began to kiss my neck. I let out a half-asleep groan, leaning back into his touch. He giggled, nipping at my neck, and slid his hands down along my pitiful excuse of a six pack. I held my breath the lower he stroked, exhaling gently when he stopped short at my hips. I bit back a laugh when he pressed his face into my neck with what felt like a furiously hot blush when he realized I was naked. I did enjoy sleeping in the nude, though I’d gotten into the habit of wearing pajamas after sleeping on my brother’s couch. Knowing Timo liked to crawl into bed with me after he got home from work, however, was too much of a temptation.

                “S-sorry, I-“ I rolled out of his arms and turned to face him, pulling him flush against my chest. He was fully dressed (he usually was when we did this) and the rub of his clothes against my sleep-drenched skin teased me awake. His hands settled awkwardly at my waist.

                “Good mornin’,”

                “It’s not technically morning.” he said, doing his best to shoot me a cheeky smile but his nerves shone through much more clearly. I smirked, then softly pressed my lips to his. I kept it chaste, just the feel of his lips on mine, leaving it up to him to take it further. I never pushed- not after the first time. It was so easy for me to get wrapped up in my desire, my mind too clouded from craving his touch to respect his reluctance. It’s always been hard for me to stop but with Timo, with how badly I’ve always wanted him, it was impossible without a tremendous amount of self-control.

                Hesitant, he slid his tongue along my bottom lip. I met it all too eagerly with my own, my fingers tangling in the soft wool of his sweater, tugging him closer. We matched fevered, impatient kisses, lying wrapped in each other’s arms for a blissful, aching eternity. I kept my hands at the small of his back, though his inched lower at a agonizingly slow rate. Finally, his fingers brushed the top of my hips again, and it was all I could do not to buck into his thigh. His hand slid lower still, and panting, I broke the kiss and buried my face in his neck. Two weeks of teasing makeout sessions throughout the apartment had strained my nerves. I got hard at the drop of a hat, and as soon as Timo kissed my whole body was sent thrumming. I’d never been so hungry for a man before and Timo- I moaned into his neck. The ghost of his fingertips trailed along the length of my shaft, curling around the tip. It felt so good, I needed him so badly, I never wanted him to stop-

                “No! Sorry, I can’t-“ He pushed me away, throwing the covers back and darting out of the room. I let out a long, exasperated sigh. Every time we inched past kissing, Timo would push back. I wanted to ask, but I was hesitant to bring it up- selfishly so. I didn’t want to stop this, and I knew if I brought it up, there was a chance he’d change his mind, that he didn’t think he was bi or that he wanted to try with me anymore. We didn’t talk about it. It simply happened, a kiss, a touch, a lingering look which grew into more- and then stopped suddenly, right when it was getting good. I dragged myself out of bed, not bothering to dress before grabbing clothes and heading to the bathroom for another long shower.

 

                After my shower, I plodded into the kitchen, somewhat surprised to see a pot of coffee already brewed. An apology from Timo? I smiled to myself, taking my favourite mug from the cupboard. Humming to myself, I plopped sugar cubes into the empty cup.

                “It always surprises me how much sugar you put in your coffee,” I started at Timo’s giggle behind me, and dropped an extra one in. “I used to think you drank it black and I was really impressed.”

                “Like sweet things,” I muttered, tamping down the corny as hell ‘like you’ that popped into my mind.

                “I know. I ran out to the bakery on the corner while you were in the shower- I got you one of those giant cinnamon rolls you like. It’s the last one. They were closing actually, and the girl at the counter gave it to me half price because she said it might be stale so I hope you don’t mind.” He trotted up beside me, holding out the bag with a sunny grin.

                “Thank ya,” I said, raising an eyebrow as I took it. Was he doing all this because he felt bad about earlier? He didn’t have to. Our fingers brushed, and Timo blushed furiously, snatching his hand away. I frowned, sighing deeply as I set the cinnamon roll aside so I could pour coffee. That wasn’t exactly a new reaction, but I’d hoped since- I supposed I was wrong.

                “Sorry Ber, I didn’t mean-“

                “If ya don’t want t’ do this anymore ya don’t have t’.” I cut him off with an irritated grunt. I’d thought when we’d agreed to do whatever this was a few weeks ago, we’d get more and more comfortable around each other. Not just physically, but as friends as well. But Timo had been jumpy and uneasy, and only seemed to get worse- unless we were kissing. I didn’t want to stop that, but the rest of it was starting to get on my nerves. I didn’t want him to be afraid of me.

                “What? No, I don’t want to stop!” Timo said anxiously, tugging at my sleeve of my hoodie. I was surprised at the sincerity in his apprehensive violet eyes, his face worried into a pout. Repressing a sigh, I shifted my coffee to my other hand, and reached up to brush his bangs from his forehead.

                “Yer not actin’ like ya want to, an’ I don’ wanna force ya t’ do anythin’. “ My fingers lingered on his skin, slowly moving down the curve of his cheek.

                “I want to, I do! I’m just a little freaked out. I’ve never felt like this- it scares me how good this feels.” he said, his voice nearly a whisper as he covered my fingers, still on his cheek, with his. “With all the girls I’ve been with, I never felt so- so out of control. It scares me when I get so wrapped up in ki-kissing you I forget everything else.”

                “Yer scared ‘f me? ‘S that why yer so jumpy lately?” I said, disappointed. That wasn’t exactly what he’d said, but I could read between the lines.

                “I am _not_ scared of you! I guess . . . I guess you can say that I’m afraid of how you make me feel? How good it is, you know? I wasn’t expecting this. I didn’t think a guy could make me feel like this, even if it was you.” he said. I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant. Was it a good thing? Was it bad? “And I’m really sorry I keep running away when we do stuff. I just can’t process it all and I’m confused. I get so overwhelmed I have to stop,”

                “’S all right. ‘M never gonna force ya.” I bent, placing a kiss on his forehead. That at least I understood. “Th’ only thing I want ‘s fer ya t’ be comfortable wi’ me.”

                “I am!” he insisted. I kept my face neutral, but quirked an eyebrow. He blushed, looking away. “Okay, so maybe not a hundred percent comfortable. It’s been great and I feel good but I’m so confused. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what _you_ want.”

                “Doesn’t matter what I want,” I said brusquely. Timo scowled at me, poking me harder in the side than I would’ve expected.

                “Yes it does! What if while we’re doing this, you meet some awesome guy at the bar you want to date? Are you going to pass that up because we’re doing . . . whatever? I don’t want you to miss out on anything because of me-“

                “Ya don’t need t’ worry ‘bout that.” I said with a snort. “’M not exactly th’ datin’ type.”

                “What’s that supposed to mean? You dated that Ludwig guy for like ever, didn’t you?”

                “First off, Lutz and I only dated a couple years.” I said, blushing under his pouty gaze. “Second, no guy ‘s gonna approach me at work, ‘m supposed t’ act intimidatin’ an’ unapproachable there. ‘M good at that in case ya don’t know.” Timo rolled his eyes, unsuccessfully hiding a smile.

                “Fine, Mr. Smartypants. But promise me you won’t turn down a date because of me. You’re an attractive guy, Ber. I want you to be happy.”

                “Ya make m’ happy.” The words slipped out of my mouth without thinking, and I felt a blush creep up my neck. That shouldn’t have been out loud.

                “I d-do? Even with things like- even with me acting like an idiot?” Timo looked as if he’d tip over if I so much as breathed on him.

                “Might be a bit happier if ya stopped runnin’ off whenever ya tried t’ touch m’ dick.” I said, giving him a wry smile. “’M not expectin’ ya t’ start actin’ like m’ boyfriend or anythin’, but it’d be nice if we could hang out more or somethin’? Maybe if ya get more comfortable spendin’ time wi’ me outside th’ bedroom-“

                “Wow.” Timo’s harsh laugh caught me by surprise. “All guys really do have a one track mind, huh?”  
                “What’s that supposed t’ mean?” I said, frowning at him. He shook his head, taking several steps back, his hands up.

                “Nothing! Just because you’re gay, I shouldn’t have assumed you weren’t as much of a horndog as every other guy-“

                “What did ya think I wanted when we started doin’ this?” I said, my voice rising as the leash on my temper slipped. I had no idea what he was trying to say but what right did he have to accuse me of only wanting sex? “Isn’t that all ya wanted? Nice, safe, _gay_ Berwald, who ya could play wi’ until ya got bored? Did ya think because I used t’ be in love wi’ ya that I’d be grateful fer the passin’ interest ya had in me an’ let ya lead me around by th’ nose?”

                “Berwald, I-“

                “Shut up,” I growled, unmoved by his contrite face. “Won’t lie, seein’ ya again brought up some feelin’s I’d rather not have fer ya, but I knew as soon as ya kissed me ya were only interested in playin’ around! An’ I thought; so what? I never stopped bein’ attracted t’ ya, never stopped wantin’ ya. It was too much temptation t’ pass up.”

                “I never said that! You’re the one who thought I only wanted sex!” Timo shouted, his face an ugly red. “You just assumed that, all on your own and went ahead and started telling people that’s what I wanted!”

                “Then what do ya want?” I spat, glaring at him. His expression wavered the longer I scowled at him, but he said nothing. “I can’t do this anymore Timo. Thought I could, thought a little playin’ around would be worth it all, but I can’t stop hopin’- no matter what happens, yer never gonna want me th’ way I want ya to.”

                “What are you trying to say?” he said, his voice suddenly quiet, a note of fear edging his words.

                “I’ve been in love wi’ ya since I was five years old, Timo. Might not have it as bad as I did in th’ past, but feelin’s like that never go away, not completely. ‘S hard t’ be around ya sometimes, knowing ya won’t feel th’ same an’ unable t’ stop overthinkin’ every little thing ya say t’ me, hopin’ that-“ I stopped, running my hands through my hair and pulling slightly, trying to stop the flood of emotions that were beginning to swamp me. “This was a bad idea.”

                “Berwald, please, I-“

                “I don’t want t’ hear it.” I said, feeling hollow. I needed to get away from him, needed some space to really comprehend everything that had come out of my mouth. I glanced regretfully at my forgotten cup of coffee on the counter, but my mind was made up. “’M going out fer a bit before work.”

                “Berwald-“

                “I said drop it.” I growled, and stomped out of the kitchen.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, a bit later than I wanted to be with the update, but I realized after I posted the last update I should have written a little more filler before the fight and was a bit annoyed at myself. Oh well.

                I stood silently in the kitchen while Berwald stalked through the house, grabbing his phone and his jacket before taking off. I felt numb. I felt like an asshole. I’d never realized how . . . how deeply he felt about me. Since we were five years old? _Love?_ I’d never thought of it more than an annoying crush. I groaned, falling forward onto the counter top, my elbows hitting the top with a crack as I cradled my head in my hands.

                He hadn’t wanted to move in with me, Luka and Matthias had forced him to. He hadn’t wanted to spend much time with me, until I’d run into him at the bar and started flirting with him and _touching_ him and- A sound caught in my throat. Part of me couldn’t understand. I’d never had any serious feelings for the whopping three girlfriends I’d had. I’d cared about them, said ‘I love you’ after they said it first, and it wasn’t like I didn’t have any feelings for them. But I didn’t anymore. I didn’t linger in a depression after any of my breakups; hell, after Petra left me I was more upset about the microwave than I was about her.

                I couldn’t understand how Berwald must be feeling after my shitty libido decided I wanted him, but I shouldn’t have been so freaking _selfish_. I knew he still felt something for me, and drunk on his adoration, I’d taken advantage of it. I wasn’t conscious of it before, but I realized there was a part of me that missed all the attention Berwald used to give me. I didn’t like him calling me his wife, but I liked when he’d save me the last piece of pizza, or let me copy his homework when I slacked off, or when collected all my homework when I was sick. After we’d had the falling out freshman year of college, it hadn’t been the same. No one followed me around like a lovesick puppy, telling me I looked gorgeous and doing everything in their power to make me happy.

                I’d wanted that again when I kissed him that night and started all this. I’d missed that- I’d missed _him_. Hearing him tell Matthias that it didn’t mean anything, that it was just sex, that he ‘might be using me too’ had hurt. I didn’t understand why. I couldn’t explain the headiness that I felt when I kissed him either- was it because I was more attracted to men than I’d thought? Was it because I’d always denied that part of myself? Was it because I liked Berwald more than I thought? I stood, aggressively rubbing my face, and pulled out my phone.

 

**< To: Eduard> ed I fucked up**

**< From: Eduard> What did you do now?**

**< To: Eduard> remember that thing you told me not to do with ber**

**< To: Eduard> I did that**

**< From: Eduard> *sigh* Timo I told you that was a bad idea! What happened? Are you okay?**

**< To: Eduard> weve been kinda doing this fwb thing (even tho I can’t do anything but kiss him before running off like a bitch) and we were talking and he said like ‘we should hang out so youre not so shy in the bedroom’ and it pissed me off bc what he only wants to hang out so we can have sex and then he got mad and said it was a bad idea bc hes been in love w/me since he was five and then left and I think I fucked up pretty bad**

**< From: Eduard> That is pretty much exactly what I thought would happen. **

**< To: Eduard> thats not helpful**

**< From: Eduard> I’m sorry but this isn’t my area of expertise. **

**< To: Eduard> but you knew it was gonna happen!**

**< From: Eduard> It was kind of obvious. **

**< To: Eduard> :(((((((((((((**

**< To: Eduard> [img.help-me-obi-wan.jpg attached]**

**< From: Eduard> Fine. Let’s start with why you got mad thinking he only wants sex. Isn’t that what friends with benefits means?**

**< To: Eduard) huh**

 

                Frowning at my phone, I grabbed Berwald’s rejected cinnamon roll off the counter and meandered to the couch. Eduard had a good point; why did it bug me so much that Ber only wanted sex? I stared at Ed’s text, pulling the pastry apart and absently stuffing it in my mouth. Ber was right I realized, feeling regret slither ashenly around my stomach. When I’d kissed him, the night I’d been sober, part of me had expected things to go back to the way they’d been in high school with Berwald following me around, treating me like a prince, while I gave him nothing in return.

                But we kissed, I ran away like a kid, and Berwald treated me with affectionate indifference- when we happened to be awake at the same time. He always let me come to him, never made a move to kiss me first other than that night after brunch. He’d been _tolerating_ me, I realized with a start. Not that I would’ve done anything different in his place, but I cringed at the shitty way I’d treated him. I’d been so selfish, only thinking of myself and my own confused feelings to think about Ber. I should have.

 

 

*

 

 

                I sat on the couch. mindlessly channel surfing for a few hours after Berwald left. I’d caved in and sent him a few apologetic texts, but unsurprisingly, he didn’t respond. I knew I should let him be, but patience was never one of my strong suits- neither was leaving Berwald alone, apparently. I worried my lip, staring at the unanswered texts, then hit call without too much reluctance. He didn’t answer, the phone ringing for seemingly ages before voicemail picked up. Annoyed, I ended the call and immediately redialed. This time, it rang twice before going to voicemail. Well, he wasn’t dead in a ditch somewhere, just avoiding me. Which was _good_ , I told myself.

                I’d probably do the same thing if I was in his place, I thought, sighing as I dropped my phone to the couch. I hoped that once his initial temper wore off, he’d listen to me. I had no reason to expect him to, but I hoped Berwald was reasonable enough to at least hear my apology. I switched to Netflix, boredly flipping through its suggestions and debated whether or not I should head to bed. I had work in the morning, so I shouldn’t stay up too much later but I knew I was too restless to sleep. If I got up early, could I ambush Ber when he got home from work, or would he go to Matthias and Luka’s place after? I assumed that’s where he’d gone, it wasn’t as if I’d seen him hang out with anyone else.

                My phone began to ring, and my heart leapt to my throat when I saw it was Berwald who was calling. I snatched it up, nearly dropping it twice before I could answer.

                “Hey, Ber, I just wanted to say-“

                “How dare you!” It wasn’t Berwald on the other end, but the muted tenor voice of someone else.

                “Who is this?” I said, more confused than annoyed. Whoever it was, it definitely wasn’t Matthias.

                “Ve, it doesn’t matter who I am!” he huffed, and I heard the faintest trace of an Italian accent. “I’m Berwald’s friend and I can’t believe what a jerkface you are!”

                “ _What?_ ”

                “This is Timo, no? The same Timo who poor Berwald’s loved his whole life and- ugh! You’re so selfish, you know that? I hoped when he told me and Luddy you guys had worked something between you after you kissed him that one time when you were drunk that you’d be happy together but after whatever you said to him today he came to Luddy’s place all sad and-! Don’t you know how much he cares about you?”

                “I know!” I said, irritated that this stranger seemed to know so much about us and that he felt justified to lecture me.

                “Ve, you do? And you think it’s okay to treat Berwald like that, huh? Can’t you just leave him alone?”

                “Look, I know I’ve been an asshole, okay?” I snapped at him. “All I want to do is say sorry! I shouldn’t have tried to do anything physical with him, I know that! But he’s so fucking hot and- okay, I was selfish. I wanted him and I missed being around him-“

                “So that makes it all right to toy with him? Or are you just so dense you can’t see what you’re doing?”

                “I am that dense,” I said quietly. “I was just . . . It’s been hard for me too, okay? I never thought that- I thought it would be fun to fool around a little okay? That’s all. And then- it’s like some stupid romantic movie when I kiss him! I know I’m an asshole for treating him like that. I was too much of a coward to think about what that really means. Maybe I still am.” There was silence on the other end, cut by a soft sigh and muffled speaking in the background that sounded like ‘Feliciano, what are you doing in the kitchen?’

                “Oh it’s nothing, Luddy! I totally did not borrow Berwald’s phone! . . . Ve, no I didn’t!” There was stifled noise I couldn’t identify, then an abrupt sigh.

                “Timo?” A deeper, more curt voice appeared on the other end.

                “Uh, yeah.” I wasn’t sure what to make of it.

                “Hmm. This is Ludwig Beilschmidt, we’ve met a few times yes?”

                “Ber’s ex?” I was more than a little shocked that Berwald had gone to his ex’s place. I didn’t know they were still friends- just friends? Jealousy nipped at the pit of my stomach, thinking of the tall, blonde demi-god he’d brought around for family dinners. I couldn’t really compete with a guy like that, could I? “Er, yeah. So he’s with you?”

                “Yes. There’s no need to worry, he’ll fine with Feliciano and myself. Personally,” His voice grew colder. “I think it would be best if you left him alone for the time being.”

                “Hey-“ The line went dead before I could finish. How dare he! I ground my teeth, glaring at the phone in my hand. It pissed me off more than anything knowing he was right; I needed to leave Berwald alone, at least for the night. I wanted to apologize, I wanted to explain, but- I sighed heavily, tossing my phone to the other end of the couch.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, I'm always behind on the updates, aren't I? I promise I will finish though! This one was especially hard to get out since I forced a couple of the last chapters and I wasn't especially happy with the way things developed. I did finally get this going the way I wanted it to, so there's that at least!

                When I returned from the bathroom, Ludwig and Feliciano were missing . . . as was my phone. I sighed, rubbing my face, and followed the muted voices coming from the kitchen.

                “Personally, I think it would be best if you left him alone for the time being.” Ludwig said, his voice and face grim as he clutched the phone to his ear. I watched impassively as he noticed me standing in the doorway and hurriedly ended the call.

                “I wouldn’t ‘f been surprised if Feliciano wanted t’ mess around wi’ m’ phone, but you?” I said. The two of them flinched at the sound of my voice, Feliciano letting out a soft yelp before they both started to speak at once.

                “Ah, I apologize. I-“

                “Ve, ve, Berwald! It wasn’t Luddy that took your phone, it was me! Don’t get mad at him!”

                “I’m not mad.” I sighed, shaking my head. Ludwig coughed, quickly crossing the kitchen, and pressed the phone into my outstretched hand.

                “I found Feliciano on the phone with, ahem, Timo. I apologize, I should have-“

                “’S all right,” Honestly, I was too numb to care. What did it matter? Nothing Feliciano said to him would change anything between us. It was stupid of me to think that anything could; Timo was unobtainable, that perfect ideal . . . Even if I hadn’t kept him up on the pedestal I used to, he was still out of my league- and he knew it. He’d never think anything more of me other than ‘just Berwald’.

                “You know, he said something interesting.” Feliciano said, tapping his chin. “He said he was dense and a coward and that it was like a- ve! What was it?! Right, a ‘dumb romantic movie’ when he kissed you!” He grinned proudly at me, but I was unimpressed.

                “So what? He said somethin’ like that t’ me too.” I said, unable to stop the irritation from creeping into my voice.

                “Berwald, if he’s saying that it feels romantic when he kisses you and that he got angry about you only wanting him for sex it means-“

                “It means _nothin_ ’.” I snapped. “So what ‘f he’s afraid ‘f his feelin’s fer men? Has nothin’ t’ do wi’ me.” I paused. scowling at the floor. “Ya don’t know him. As much as I lo- I’ve known him m’ whole life; he’s selfish. Thought when I was younger that he’d fall in love wi’ me ‘f I was nice t’ him. He didn’t. ‘S m’ own fault this time, I knew better than t’ mess around with him, figured somethin’ like that was gonna happen, did it anyway.”

                “That’s not necessarily what he’s afraid of.” Ludwig said, his voice unusually gentle. Hearing such pity in his voice made me want to scream.

                “I don’t care. Wasted enough ‘f m’ life pinin’ for him.”

                “Berwald-“

                “Look, ‘s gettin’ late, I need t’ get t’ work. Thank ya fer lettin’ me hang out here tonight,”

                “Are you going to go home after you get out? If you need to, you can take the couch-“ I cut Ludwig off with a wave of my hand.

                “I’ll be all right.” I grimaced, running a hand through my hair. “He should be sleepin’ when I get in at least.”

 

                Work dragged on endlessly all night, and for once I was glad of it. Every minute that I felt at the club was another I wasn’t spending at the apartment, and it was a relief. Francis had offered to let me off early, but I was happy to stay- to keep my hours and to avoid going home. I knew I had to go back this morning; I didn’t want to have to explain myself to Matthias and Luka (or god forbid, my father), nor did I have any interest in imposing on Ludwig any more than I already had. Besides, as much as I wanted to run away from my problems, I was adult enough to realize I had to face them one way or another.

                When I got to the apartment, it was apparent that I’d have to face it sooner that I would have liked: there was a sliver of light beneath the crack of the front door, and the faint scent of brewing coffee filled the hallway. I grimaced, fiddling with my keys. There went my hopes of sneaking into bed before Timo woke up. It was strange- he was never up this early. Unlocking the door, I sighed. He must have gotten up purposely early to catch me coming in from work. Maybe if I was quiet I could still avoid him, I thought, unlocking the door as silently as I could. Everything was still as I tiptoed inside, and I did my best to keep quiet as I took off my shoes and jacket.

                “Berwald?” So much for that. I scowled, reluctantly turning to face him. His hands were wrapped around a terrifyingly huge coffee mug (which I knew for a fact his mother had gotten him as a joke but he reveled in the size of it regardless), and he wore a short fluffy bathrobe with, I assumed, nothing on underneath. His white blonde hair stuck out in endless directions, and his usually vibrant eyes were listless and dull, as if he’d spent the night tossing and turning, unable to sleep. The small, petty part of myself was glad. He deserved to be kept up all night for once. “You’re early. Or is this the time you usually get in? Ugh,” Timo rubbed his eyes, taking a long sip of coffee. I stayed silent. “Man that’s good!” He sighed happily, his expression faltering when he caught my eye. “Er, can you talk for a bit? I mean, it can totally wait until I get home if you need to get some sleep but I know it’ll drive me crazy all day at work if we can’t and I-“

                “Now’s fine,” I muttered. Better to just get it over with.

                “Okay, so . . .” He paused, laughing awkwardly, and stared into his coffee. “I’m an asshole. I’m sorry. I’ve treated you liked shit lately –okay, so not just lately- and I’m really, really sorry. I know words aren’t enough and it’s my own fault I hurt you because I’m a self-absorbed jackass.” Hesitantly, his eyes flickered up to meet mine. I said nothing. What could I say? “I was thinking about yesterday, and well . . . You’re right. I expected things to go back to the way they were in high school; that you’d follow me around and spoil me and treat me way better than I deserve and we could hang out without it being weird. It’s selfish of me, but I missed that.”

                “Course ya would. Anyone would miss bein’ treated that way.” I said coldly. An impatient noise caught in Timo’s throat.

                “That’s not it! I mean yeah, I missed that part. But I missed you! However shitty things got between us in college, we were friends before that weren’t we? Honestly Ber, before I met Eduard, you were probably my best friend. I miss spending time with you, and really, that’s why I didn’t mind too much when Matthias brought up you moving in. But my stupid selfishness ruined it then and I ruined it again-“

                “We’re both selfish.” I said, more touched by his words than I would’ve liked. “I always tried t’ force m’ feelin’s on to ya, never really cared what ya felt. I was so sure ya had t’ like m’ back since I felt so strong ‘bout ya. ‘F I hadn’t been such a stubborn ass ‘bout it maybe we woulda been able t’ clear things up between us sooner,”

                “Maybe we could have,” Timo gave me a weak smile.

                “So let’s ferget th’ sex stuff an’ try t’ be friends. We’re gonna be brothers once Mattie gets around t’ proposing t’ yer sister anyway.” I said, doing my best to smile. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted, but I knew it would be the best solution for both of us.

                “Is that what you really want?” Timo said, his eyes fluttering everywhere but towards me. He bit his lip, finally focusing intently on his coffee.

                “I think it’s th’ best option, ‘f ya want t’ stay friends.” I said carefully.

                “What if I don’t want that? Look, this has been driving me crazy and I didn’t even realize that’s what was bothering me until last night! Ber, I think I like you. A lot. I overheard you tell Matthias you- you thought whatever we were doing was a mistake and that you were using me and that made me think; yeah, you are a guy too. You’ve said before how much you wanted me and it really stung thinking that you only wanted to fool around with me to get off when I- when I was starting to like- ughh!” He set his coffee mug on the table, grimacing as he ran his hands through his hair.

                “W-what?” I croaked, my voice thick. I felt numb. Was he really telling me this, or had I stumbled into bed and fallen asleep already?

                “Berwald,” His voice was firm as he met my eyes, and he swallowed heavily. “I have like zero rights to say this after how shitty I treated you, but I like you. I have feelings for you. Obviously, I don’t expect you to want to have anything to do with me after all this. I certainly don’t deserve it,” He let out a dry laugh.

                “What are ya talkin’ about? D’ ya mean it?”

                “Yeah, I do.” Timo said softly, hesitantly meeting my eyes. “W-what do you . . .?” He trailed off, his gaze falling to the floor. Without a word, I closed the distance between us, and pulled him into my arms. It shouldn’t be this easy, I thought, burying my face in his neck, not caring how the collar of his robe tickling my cheek or how badly my glasses smudged. I wasn’t going to question it though. Timo liked me, had feelings for _me_ , and I felt a euphoric mix of disbelief and joy.

                “Ya know how I feel ‘bout ya.” I whispered, my lips brushing his skin as I spoke.

                “Do I?” he said, uncertainty clouding his voice. I moved back, straightening, and cupped his cheek. I let my thumb wander to his mouth, tracing the outline of his lips, pausing at the dip in his bottom lip.

                “Ya always have,” I murmured, taking his face in both hands, tipping his chin up. I bent, as if to kiss him but paused, mesmerized by the interplay of emotion in his violet eyes.

                “Isn’t this where you kiss me?” he teased. I hid a smile, pretending to give it serious thought.

                “Could kiss ya, but I’d drag ya off t’ bed wi’ me an’ ya probably wouldn’t get t’ work today.”

                “Promise?” Timo said, his voice a husky laugh. I groaned, taking a deep breath before I gave in and kissed him.

 


	15. Chapter 15

                I went through the first half of my shift in a haze, giggly and stupid and completely unable to concentrate on what I was doing. Thankfully, it was a day where I was mostly on my own. I would have been completely useless trying to get anything done with anybody else- not to mention I was probably incredibly annoying to work with. I tapped away ay my computer, doing my best to actually get work done in between humming love songs and giggling whenever Berwald’s face came to mind.

                “Is that a hickey on your neck?” Liz said, suddenly appearing at the door of my cubicle.

                “What?!” My head snapped up as I slapped my hand to cover where Berwald had been kissing me earlier. I didn’t think that he’d bitten me hard enough to leave a mark! Liz laughed, nudging the back of my desk chair with her foot. It spun half-heartedly, leaving me face to face with the blank wall. Grumbling and self-consciously holding my hand to my neck, I reluctantly spun the rest of the way around to face her. “Can you really see a hickey?”

                “Depends if there’s a hickey there to see. Or did you burn yourself on a curling iron?” she said, snickering.

                “Liz! Is there anything on my neck or not?!” I snapped, my face red.

                “Relax, you’re fine. You’ve been so bubbly and excited today it’s kind of grossing me out- don’t think I can’t hear you singing to yourself next door. So this is what you’re like when you get some, huh?” Liz said with a smirk, knocking the cubicle wall with her knuckles. I blushed.

                “What are you talking about? I did not.” I said. Berwald had dragged me off to his bed like he’d promised and stuff _had_ happened, but not _that_.

                “Oh my god you so did! Who’s the lucky lady? Do I know her? Does she work here? Oh my _god_. It’s Mona, isn’t it? I know you said you like glasses-“

                “Will you shut up?! There is no lady.” I huffed, rolling my eyes. Apparently, it was the wrong thing to say; Liz squealed and gave half a jump in the air as she clapped her hands.

                “ _Timo!_ You hooked up with that sexy roommate of yours?! I just knew you were gay!”

                “Shut up!” I hissed, scooting forward to yank her scarf. “Even if anything happened with me and Ber, I would appreciate you not announcing it through the office, thanks.”

                “You really did. Oh _my_ god!” she said, her eyes clouded with stars and her cheeks stained a light pink. I let her go, annoyed with myself for giving her any information, intentional or not.

                “We didn’t have _sex_.” I insisted, blushing furiously when she continued to squeal.

                “Are the two of you together now, or did you just succumb to the love that dare not speak your name for one night of passion?”

                “Shove it up your ass.” I snapped. Liz only laughed.

                “Oh Timo, you’re making it too easy.” I rolled my eyes and spun back around to face my computer.

                “Don’t you have work to do or something?” I muttered.

                “I was going to ask if you wanted to come out with me and the girls and Toris to kick start the weekend but if that’s how you’re going to treat me . . .”

                “Shut up.” I turned back to face her. Going out for drinks was always the best excuse to forget her nosiness. “Where are we going?”

                “Toris is thinking Bad Touch, Feliks isn’t working tonight and he really wants to check it out with him. Your boyfriend is more than welcome to join us too,” Liz said, grinning.

                “He’s not my-“ I stopped. We hadn’t agreed upon it outright, but after this morning that’s what we both wanted, wasn’t it? Never mind our overly entwined family; should I tell my friends we’re dating now? Was he going to tell his?

                “Well, whoever he is, Berwald can come if he wants.”

                “I think he’s working tonight,” I said absently, and began to crack my knuckles.

                “Ooh, we’ll definitely hit up Bad Touch then.” she said, giggling, and was gone.

 

 

                When I got home from work, Berwald was already awake; stretched out on the couch reading a book and a sipping coffee.

                “Mmm, that smells fantastic! Any more in the kitchen?” I said brightly. Berwald startled, holding onto his coffee but dropping his book on his face. I couldn’t help laughing, though I felt bad. It looked like a heavy book.

                “Mornin’ t’ ya too,” he muttered, giving me an unfocused but good-natured glare.

                “You would’ve laughed at me.” I said, grinning as I sat at the end of the couch. He grunted, nudging me with his foot as he felt around the coffee table for his glasses. For the first time since he’d moved in, I felt completely at ease around him. I still felt insects crawling around my stomach, but it was a pleasant kind of fluttering, not the sick-to-my-stomach anxiety I’d been stuck with. It was a nice change, I mused.

                “Ya look good in a tie,” Berwald said, sitting up straighter as he slid the glasses up his nose. He gave me a small smile, fingering the material between his fingers.

                “I’m glad you like it.” I reached up, brushing my fingers against his. “I kind of hate wearing them for work though.” I said, sighing.

                “More fun when ya wear ‘em fer play,” he said with a mischievous grin, then gave the tie a sudden tug. He didn’t pull with much force, barely hard enough to yank me forward, but I was reminded of how much stronger he was than me- and how hot I found it. I’d always kept the image of awkward teenage Berwald in my head, lanky and unsure. When did that change? Of course I’d noticed when he’d gradually filled out and hadn’t been the stick he’d been when we were kids, but the lazy blue-green of his eyes was darker than it used to be. Brimming with confidence and a smouldering sexiness I couldn’t quite place but which excited me all the same. Like he could read every dirty thought I had and play with my body until I couldn’t stand it anymore and- I swallowed heavily.

                “We’ll have to try it sometime,” I murmured softly. Berwald smirked, the material of my tie slipping through his fingers.

                “Course we will.” He scooted forward and pulled me firmly into his lap. I blushed, unused to the action, but wrapped my arms around his waist. I buried my face in his neck, inhaling deeply. He smelled a bit like soap, clean and strong, with a sharp bite of pine. He smelled wonderful, I thought, then giggled. I really was smitten. “Somethin’ wrong?”

                “Absolutely nothing.” I said, moving back, then kissed him soundly on the lips. “Oh, before I forget, Liz cornered me today at work and informed me we’re going out to Bad Touch tonight.” I decided it was best to leave out a few details.

                “’M workin’ tonight, so I’ll probably see ya.” Berwald said, shrugging. I groaned, resting my forehead on his shoulder.

                “Sorry to bug you while you’re at work! I promise we won’t irritate you too much,”

                “’S all right. Usually have four bouncers workin’ Friday nights so I can be distracted a little. ‘Sides,” He paused, smiling at me. “I don’t mind ya comin’ t’ see me at th’ club.”

                “Well, I promise I won’t get so wasted this time!” I said, blushing faintly as I remembered. I hadn’t gotten that drunk in ages and remembering it mortified me. Thankfully Berwald only seemed amused.

                “’S fine. It’ll be nice havin’ ya climb all over me now that I can enjoy it.” he said, smirking, and reached up to pinch my cheek. I groaned, pushing his hand away, and buried my face in his shoulder again. There was an opening, I realized suddenly. If I moved back and asked him if I was- If we were together, it wouldn’t be weird. I could ask if he wanted me to be his boyfriend, tell him that’s what I thought I wanted from all this. It had to be easier than the talk we’d had in the morning, when I’d confessed to him while assuming he’d tell me to fuck off when I was done, but I hesitated. I was content to just be with him, at least for the time being. I knew eventually we’d have to have the boyfriend talk, but I was happy where we were. I wanted to be with him, he wanted to be with me, and that was all that mattered.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the lack of updates!! Right after I posted the last chapter, I got thrown a bunch of extra hours at work, which culminated in a promotion - which while exciting, left me with little energy to do much besides play pokemon lol. This chapter was hard to write as well because it totally went off the rails of my outline almost immediately. Hopefully this was worth the wait! Also, I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to leave a review or kudos. It means a lot to see other people enjoying my work, especially since I rarely let people read my stuff. Seriously, thank you guys <3

                “Berwald, another Jack and coke!” Francis barker. I grunted, filling a third glass with ice and setting it next to the others as I began to pour. I wasn’t exactly thrilled to be helping out behind the bar, but I didn’t have much of a choice.

                “You’re pouring too much. That’s a shot and a half,” Herakles said, his sleep filled voice barely audible above the music.

                “I can go back to th’ door ‘f ya don’t want m’ help.” I muttered, shooting him a glare as I topped off the drinks. Francis scurried behind us, clutching a top shelf bottle of scotch.

                “It doesn’t matter if he pours them all double! Anything goes tonight, as long as the drinks get poured and the customers are smiling! Ah, _monsieur_ , is this the correct brand?” he said, ignoring the two of us as he turned back to the customer. I rolled my eyes one last time at Herakles and handed out the drinks.

                “Berwald? I didn’t know you could bartend!” Timo popped up brightly on the other side of the bar, giving me a grin. I blushed heavily as I met his eyes; in all the chaos I’d forgotten he and his friends from work were coming tonight.

                “He can’t.” Herakles said matter-of-factly, and gently took the bottle of Jack Daniels from me.

                “Why aren’t you at the door? Er, I’ll have an Adios Motherfucker.” Timo said, glancing at the other customers crowding around him.

                “Bartender called off, then Antonio and Lovino no call no showed. An’ what th’ hell is an Adios Motherfucker?” I said.

                “ _Mon cher_ , that is a Long Island iced tea made with blue curacao and Sprite.” Francis smiled easily (though his eye twitched almost imperceptibly), grabbing a glass before he began to mix it. “Hitting them hard tonight, hmm?”

                “I guess so!” Timo giggled, giving me a bashful look before he glanced back over his shoulder. “Liz and Roderich ran into her ex as we were walking in and I decided I needed a little ammunition before jumping into that mess.” Francis cursed heartily (I assumed) in French, slamming the bottles back into the speed rack with excessive force.

                “The last thing I need is Gilbert making a scene tonight! Down three bartenders and a bouncer and now he’s going to act like a child because his cousin is dating his ex-!” He broke off into another string of French curses.

                “I’m sorry! If it makes you feel better it was in front of that scary Russian guy so he’s probably taking care of it,” Timo squeaked. Francis smiled weakly, scooting the drink across the bar.

                “My apologies! Tonight has me a little on edge, that’s all. Most nights it is a joy to be at the club but tonight I want nothing more than to be at home in my hot tub with a nice glass of wine.”

                “It’s all right! I had nights like that too when I used to bartend.” Timo said, cheerfully waving him off as he reached for his drink. “It’s tough when you’re shorthanded so I’ll- hey, what are you doing?” Francis quickly snatched the drink back, a maniacal grin spreading across his face.

                “You and Berwald are friends, _oui_?”

                “Uh, yeah, I guess you could say that.” Timo said cautiously, giving me a questioning look. I only shrugged.

                “And you used to bartend?”

                “Most of the way through college, actually. Um, are you going to give me my drink, or-?”

                “Don’t be silly, _mon chou_! You cannot drink on the job!”

                “Uh, I’m not-“

                “Don’t you want to help your good friend Berwald out?” Francis leant over the bar, his voice slipping into a practiced husky purr.

                “I mean, yeah of course I do, but-“

                “The best way to help Berwald right now is to get behind this bar and help us pour drinks. Or do you want his boss –and I am his boss, _mon chou_ \- to be angry with him and perhaps cut his hours?”

                “Francis, ya can’t blackmail m’-“ I stopped, blushing heavily as Timo turned his brilliant violet eyes towards me. I couldn’t just say ‘roommate’, but I didn’t want to say ‘boyfriend’ yet either. One was far too casual, and the other- well, I’d learned the hard way to let Timo make the first move. I had no plans to let that slip out without him saying it first. “M’- m’ _Timo_ int’ helpin’ ya by threatenin’ me.”

                “It’s okay.” Timo said, grinning at me. “I don’t mind helping out a little tonight. Am I working for free drinks or tips?”

                “Ah, you are a saint! Tips of course, and I don’t care if you have a drink or two as long as you stay sober enough to pour.” Francis said happily.

                “All right!” Timo grinned, hurrying around the bar. “Your Timo huh?” he said, whispering in my ear as he passed behind me.

                “Should I say somethin’ else next time?” I said, glancing at him and then quickly away. Timo blushed heavily, turning to take orders without another word.

 

 

                “If I may offer a token of gratitude for tonight?” Francis said, reappearing at the table with what looked like a surprisingly nice bottle of champagne. Being behind the bar was more tiring than I thought, though it had been nice working with Timo. There hadn’t been much time for conversation, but a flirtatious word here or there, lingering touches as we passed by . . . It had been fun.

                “I was wondering where you went off to,” Arthur said, shooting Francis a glare. Francis sneered back, though he took a seat beside him. It was amusing to watch the two of them snipe at each other, especially since I knew exactly how badly Francis had fallen for the man.

                “Don’t think you’re getting anything, _mon lapin_. Champagne is for the people who helped run the bar tonight, not drink me into the poorhouse.”

                “Then kick me out, you git, or shut up.” Arthur said, a triumphant smirk on his face.

                “What about glasses?” Heracles said evenly. Francis groaned.

                “I thought I was forgetting something. Now I have to get up again-“

                “Ve, I can get some!” Feliciano said, smiling happily. He stood, wobbling drunkenly before skipping towards the bar.

                “I should help him.” Ludwig muttered, casting a worried look behind him. There was a soft crash and a muffled curse, and with a put-upon sigh, Ludwig got up and hurried towards the noise.

                “If I can’t have a drink, why are they here? They didn’t help you bartend either.” Arthur said, gesturing vaguely at Ludwig and Feliciano.

                “Ludwig helped break up the fight between Gil and Roderich!” Timo said cheerfully, squeezing my knee underneath the table. “Besides, isn’t his brother one of the owners?”

                “ _Oui_ , Berwald’s Timo is right!” I blushed furiously at the comment, unable to look at Timo. Francis hadn’t been able to let that go all night, much to my embarrassment. It didn’t seem to bother Timo, which I hoped was a good thing. The idea of him actually being mine was so new it still felt fragile. “And Feliciano is Lovino’s brother, and Lovi and Antonio-“

                “’Are going to die the next time I see them’- isn’t that what you’ve been saying all night?” Heracles raised an eyebrow, and Francis shrugged, blushing lightly.

                “The two of them owe me a good explanation, _oui_. But it’s not fair to take it out on cute little Feliciano, no?”

                “Cute little Feliciano, hmm?” Arthur said, glaring at Francis as he kicked him under the table.

                “Is it always like this here?” Timo said, cuddling closer to whisper in my ear. He giggled, fascinated as Arthur and Francis continued to bicker. “Working here must be so much fun,”

                “Has its moments,” I said, slipping an arm around his shoulders. “Some nights ‘re better than others. ‘S always fun when those two start snipin’ at each other.”

                “So are they like dating, or . . . ?”

                “’S complicated. Don’t know all th’ details, but I overheard Francis tellin’ Antonio one night Arthur was th’ only man fer him.”

                “It looks exhausting.” Timo said, giggling as the two began to smack the other’s shoulders. “I’m glad we don’t act like that.”

                “Me too.” I said, my heart beating wildly as I hugged him. “’M not th’ sort ‘f guy who gets off fightin’ all th’ time like them.”

                “Me either!” Timo said eagerly. “If I’m in a relationship with someone, I want to be able to- to just be with them. I don’t know, does that make sense?”

                “Course it does. ‘S nice just t’ relax together an’ take th’ time t’ make him feel good. Not just sex,” I added quickly, my face red. “Sex ‘s good an’ all, but makin’ th’ man I wanna be wi’ happy outside th’ bedroom too-“

                “Ber, you’re so cute! You’re blushing all the way from here,” His fingers traced the collar of my t shirt, skimming lightly up my neck before he ran his thumb along my cheek. “To here. I’ve never seen you so red!”

                “’M surprised ya haven’t,” I muttered, blushing harder when my voice cracked. Timo giggled, resting his head on my shoulder. I closed my eyes as I held his shoulders tighter, savoring the moment.

                “Aww, Berwald! You guys are so cute!” Feliciano’s voice, coupled with a sudden brightness and the click of a camera broke through my thoughts. He stood there, two champagne glasses held carelessly in one hand, his phone –pointed at myself and Timo- in the other. Ludwig shifted uncomfortably behind him, holding more glasses.

                “Did you take a picture? Can I see it?” Timo said, grinning at him as he sat up.

                “Yeah!” Felciano said happily, taking the open seat beside him. Ludwig sighed, an affectionate smile creeping across his face as he watched him. He coughed, straightening as he realized I’d caught him looking, and began to pass the glasses around the table.

                “Ber, look at this! I love it,” Timo said, holding up his phone.

                “’S a nice picture,” I murmured. Timo looked fantastic cuddled against me –he always looked good- though with my head tilted back and my eyes closed I looked even more terrifying than usual.

                “Do you want me to send it to you? It’s the first picture of us together,” he said, his voice soft. I shrugged.

                “There’s loads ‘f pictures ‘f us tog’ther.” I said offhandedly. We’d grown up together, gone to the same high school- there were plenty of pictures of us.

                “Well yeah, there are lots of us in the same picture. I meant that this is our first picture _together_. Where we’re together. Like- I mean- where we’re a couple?” His voice trailed off nervously, and he met my eyes before quickly looking away.

                “A couple?” I said, my face burning again.

                “Sorry, sorry! I know I’m probably getting ahead of myself- ahead of us-“

                “N-no! I think that’s- er, what I mean-“ I stammered, blushing furiously when I realized the other conversations had gone silent and everyone was looking at us.

                “ _Mon Dieu!_ The two of you are too adorable!” Francis said, laughing as he finally popped the cork on the champagne. “Here, here, give me your glasses! Now let’s toast to Berwald and Timo!”

                “To us?” Timo said, his voice soft. He gave me a hopeful smile, his hand lingering on my knee. I was mortified and ecstatic, thrilled by his words though thoroughly embarrassed to be the center of attention.

                “T’ us.” I said, then stopped, grinning, and bent to whisper in his ear. “T’ m’ Timo,”


	17. Chapter 17

                I sipped my white Russian, looking out across the bar to the restaurant floor. Berwald would be done with his interview soon, and I hoped it would be good news. He’d been more optimistic about this one than the others he’d been on- we’d found out last Friday that the interview was with Feliciano’s grandfather, who happened to be one of the biggest names in the city. Roman Vargas seemed to have his finger in every important pie in the tristate area, and I knew that if Berwald got the job, it would be because of his talent, not because Vargas felt sorry for him. At least, that’s what I wanted to happen.

                It was a nice place, I mused, resisting the urge to check my phone for the thousandth time. Berwald had told me to wait for him while he was in the interview- the restaurant was right down the block, and he’d told me he’d meet me there as soon as he could. If he hadn’t texted me, he had to still be in the interview and that had to be good. Right?

                I scanned the room again, raising my eyebrows as I caught sight of Luka and Matthias as they walked in. Out for a romantic dinner? Catching Luka’s eye, I gave her a small smile and a quick wave. I didn’t want to interrupt, and besides, I wanted to have my own time alone with Berwald- whenever he showed up. I turned back to my drink, intent on leaving them alone.

                “Timo! What are you doing on the nice side of town?” Matthias said, laughing as he clapped me hard on the back. I forced a smile, playfully knocking his hand away. I shouldn’t have expected Matthias to do anything different.

                “I’m waiting for your brother. He’s at an interview down the street,”

                “Oh right! Ber mentioned something the other day.” He glanced over his shoulder at Luka, who looked irritated, though I wasn’t sure if it was because of Matthias or because of the hostess she was talking to.

                “We’ll be at the bar.” she snapped, holding up a finger as she cut the girl off. Her lips a thin line, she strode to the bar, demurely taking a seat beside Matthias.

                “Hey sis,” I said, giving her a cautious smile. She nodded, motioning to the bartender.

                “It’s going to be a bit of a wait since someone forgot to make the reservation.” Matthias sighed, looing dejectedly at the wood of the bar as she ordered for the both of them.

                “I’m sorry darling, I thought I called them last week-“

                “It doesn’t matter.” she said sharply, closing her eyes as she took a deep breath. “Timo, what are you doing here, waiting for Berwald?”

                “Yep!” I smiled, surreptitiously patting Matthias on the back. He needed all the support I could give him if he was serious about marrying my sister.

                “Hmm. You know, I bet your brother has enough sense to call ahead when he wants to take Timo out for a romantic dinner.”

                “Oh, that’s not- I’m just meeting him here after he gets out of an interview!” I said hurriedly, a light blush staining my cheeks.

                “Timo, that’s irrelevant. I’m trying to make a point.”

                “Hey, don’t drag me and Ber into your fight!” I glared at her as I finished my drink.

                “This isn’t a fight.” Matthias said with a forced laugh. “I fucked up and it’s no wonder she’s mad at me,”

                “Matthias,” Luka said softly, placing her hand on his shoulder. “I’m never mad at you. You irritate me, but you never make me angry.” Politely, I turned away as the two of them made gooey eyes at each other, and motioned to the bartender for another drink. I hated getting caught up in their little spats, but I was glad that the attention had been deflected from Berwald and I.

 

                It was nice –if a bit surprising- that neither of them seemed fazed that Berwald might be taking me out for a romantic dinner. What really surprised me though was my own lack of anxiety at the thought of them ‘catching’ us together. I had denied that we were going on a romantic dinner, but that was because weren’t, not because I didn’t want them to know I told myself firmly. Berwald and I needed to talk about what exactly we planned on telling everyone (and when) but . . . we were together. A couple. The thought made me giddy.

                “Timo!” I turned at the sound of Berwald’s voice, grinning as he bounded up to the bar. Ignoring Matthias and Luka, he pulled me into his arms, a huge smile plastered across his face. “Vargas offered m’ a job!” he said excitedly, squeezing me until I was breathless.

                “That’s awesome!” I held him as tight as I could, unable to stop myself from pressing a kiss into his neck.             

                “Whoa, whoa, simmer down you two!” Matthias said, playfully shoving at Berwald. “So, uh, when did the two of you get so cozy? I mean, get so cozy in publi- ow!” He stopped, rubbing his arm where Luka had smacked it.

                “Last Friday?” Berwald said, eyeing me uncertainly. I nodded, letting my hands trail down his waist, concentrating on the floor. Telling them didn’t bother me, I insisted to myself. Being with Berwald made me happy, so there was no reason to hide it. I wasn’t embarrassed to be with him to call him my boyf- I stopped, conscious of my red face.

                “So you guys are actually, like, _together_ together? Not just fuck bud-“

                “Matthias, I swear t’ god ‘f ya finish that sent’nce ‘m gonna break yer nose,” Berwald said, a blush creeping up his neck as he scowled at his brother. I laughed, tugging at his jacket.

                “It’s all right. It was kind of true before, wasn’t it?” I said, though I hesitated to think of us as fuck buddies  since we hadn’t . . . at least, not before last weekend.

                “Kind of true?” Luka raised an eyebrow as I sputtered.

                “I’d ask what that means but I really don’t want to know.” Matthias said, plopping heavily back into his seat.

                “But you guys are together, as in dating?” Luka persisted. I glanced at Berwald as he sat beside me, his blush as deep as mine was.

                “Yeah?” I said, still somewhat hesitant. Berwald gave me a small smile, and placed his hand on my knee.

                “What exactly was the day you two got together?” Luka said, and I was taken aback by her tenacity.

                “Um, Friday? Well, I guess it was technically Saturday by the time we actually, you know, like said it-“

                “Why d’ ya care what day it was?” Berwald said, narrowing his eyes.

                “Because of the pool.” Matthias said, matter-of-fact. Berwald and I exchanged horrified looks.

                “The what?”

                “We all had a pool on when you two would finally . . . consummated your relationship. Not like that, Timo, honestly,” Luka said, rolling her eyes at my justifiably uncomfortable expression. “It’s obvious that there’s been something between the two of you for ages. Even if I’d never found your Livejournal it would have been easy to guess you were as attracted to Berwald as he was.”

                “You read my Livejournal in highschool?!” I said, somehow more disturbed and mortified than before. I couldn’t exactly blame her for reading my blog considering I’d broken into and read (and occasionally transcribed for Matthias in exchange for money) every diary she’d ever kept, but the thought of her reading whatever nonsense I’d posted ten years ago, telling our parents what I’d written . . . That was truly horrifying.

                “Can’t believe th’ lot ‘f ya were bettin’ on whether or not Timo an’ I would date,” Berwald said, his voice flat but tinged with irritation.

                “Not if, when.” Matthias said, grinning. Berwald seemed as unimpressed with that reply as I was.

                “I can’t believe you guys! Who all was in on it? Obviously, you two assholes, Emil, probably Mama-“

                “Dad and Bjorn were in on it too. Like I said, Timo, you two were pretty obvious. Everyone wanted in.” Luka said. I groaned, falling back against Berwald, burying my face in my hands.

                “So you guys have been doing this since Berwald moved in?”

                “Pretty much, yeah.” Matthias said with a shrug, and casually sipped his beer. I groaned again.

                “S’ who won?” Berwald said, squeezing my shoulder.

                “If you got together Friday, Luka; Saturday, Emil.”

                “Is there prize money involved? Because I feel like if there’s money, Ber and I deserve at least half since you guys were using our relationship like some cheap reality show-“

                “By default, you two are the winners because something something true love.” Luka said, cutting me off with a wave of her hand.

                I wanted to make a joke, or argue but I couldn’t quite force the words out. It was cheesy and stupid and undoubtedly far too premature, but I couldn’t helping thinking Luka was right. Berwald and I were the winners.  I felt my face burn at the thought, but chanced a look back at Berwald just the same. He smiled, his fingers trailing down my arm.

                “She’s right ya know. ‘M the biggest winner, money ‘r not.” he leant close, whispering in my ear. I giggled, reaching back to tug on his tie.

                “Berwald,” I said, my voice soft.

                “Yer Berwald,” he murmured, grabbing my hand, still clutched around the silk of his tie, and brought it to his lips. I ignored Matthias’s gagging and my sister’s attempts to shut him up, completely content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, guys! The last chapter. To be honest, this is the first multi-chapter in the twelve years I've been writing fanfic that I've finished and it's rather bittersweet to end it. It's not exactly the story I set out to write, but I'm happy with the way it turned out overall! Thank you guys for reading it and all the comments and favourites and kudos. It means a lot to have other people read and enjoy my work!!


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